More Ask Cruella Dearest!
O Cruella Dearest;
How did you learn to cook so well? You know how to keep a man happy!
Bewildered in Buford
Dear Bewildered;
I learnt to cook because my mother is an abysmal cook. Her food is- well, let's just say it's the reason I have come to fear and loathe surprises. Trust me, you would too. Just to cite one example: instead of preparing tea the way normal human beings do, she begins with the same unwashed pot she uses every day. Then she dumps a handful of tea leaves into it and boils the tar out of the tea. Apparently she has ambitions for it to become coffee or something. Also, I know that at least once she made something called "carrot Cake" and she was slicing the carrots into large pieces the diameter of quarters and the thickness of a pencil eraser. "I want to TASTE the carrots." she explained. She puts yogurt in cakes. You can modify her honey with the adjective, "busy."
Anyway, this weekend Alex and Sara went to a restaurant called Nava, and we were discussing how we did not like foo-foo cuisine. This is a Buckhead Life restaurant and is all expensive and foo-foo (where does that term come from anyway?) as in they charge three times as much for a third as much food as, say, the Colonnade. And it is all strange food, like "organic pesto with mung bean reduction served over quinoa pasta and farcelets of free range lamb." And then it is very little food fancily arranged and usually these restaurants are dimly lit, so you have to take a lighter or an electric torch with you to read the menu, and loud so that you can ignore your dining companions. So I said I would rather have a Checkers' burger, because they have some really awesome burgers! And my mother said, o really, well, I think I will buy some and then maybe I will make them into a stew.
Yes, friends, she is planning on buying Checkers' burgers and making them into a stew. I'm really, really afraid. And that is how I learnt how to cook.
Out of fear. Out of desperation. Out of the need to eat things that had been conceived by a human being, anywhere, somewhere, instead of conceived by Satanic gnomes.
O Cruella Dearest;
How was that movie that you saw recently?
Which one, darling? I saw two movies recently, The Bridesmaid, which was ok- but I was too familiar with the story and it was late, so I was sleep. Senta wasn't really as ravishing as I had hoped, and she didn't have silver hair! Arrgh! Also I thought the guy should be more a sheltered, well meaning doofus, not Benoit who was less striking than in the Piano Teacher but still striking. Also Farewell My Concubine, which was excellent. Much better than expected. Brokeback Mountain was totally stolen from Farewell My Concubine. You know, I don't think that it's promoted the way it should be- the cover prominently features Gong Li and not the Concubine, who is played by a MAN. It is actually about a Chinese Opera- which is called Farewell my Concubine and two men who play a king and his concubine and fifty years of their playing together. It also features a lot of Chinese Opera, which sounds really stupid.
O Cruella Dearest;
Tell us about your transmission adventure.
Well, I thought my transmission was broken, because the car was acting just like it, and then it turned out not to be! I'm tired of writing now.
How did you learn to cook so well? You know how to keep a man happy!
Bewildered in Buford
Dear Bewildered;
I learnt to cook because my mother is an abysmal cook. Her food is- well, let's just say it's the reason I have come to fear and loathe surprises. Trust me, you would too. Just to cite one example: instead of preparing tea the way normal human beings do, she begins with the same unwashed pot she uses every day. Then she dumps a handful of tea leaves into it and boils the tar out of the tea. Apparently she has ambitions for it to become coffee or something. Also, I know that at least once she made something called "carrot Cake" and she was slicing the carrots into large pieces the diameter of quarters and the thickness of a pencil eraser. "I want to TASTE the carrots." she explained. She puts yogurt in cakes. You can modify her honey with the adjective, "busy."
Anyway, this weekend Alex and Sara went to a restaurant called Nava, and we were discussing how we did not like foo-foo cuisine. This is a Buckhead Life restaurant and is all expensive and foo-foo (where does that term come from anyway?) as in they charge three times as much for a third as much food as, say, the Colonnade. And it is all strange food, like "organic pesto with mung bean reduction served over quinoa pasta and farcelets of free range lamb." And then it is very little food fancily arranged and usually these restaurants are dimly lit, so you have to take a lighter or an electric torch with you to read the menu, and loud so that you can ignore your dining companions. So I said I would rather have a Checkers' burger, because they have some really awesome burgers! And my mother said, o really, well, I think I will buy some and then maybe I will make them into a stew.
Yes, friends, she is planning on buying Checkers' burgers and making them into a stew. I'm really, really afraid. And that is how I learnt how to cook.
Out of fear. Out of desperation. Out of the need to eat things that had been conceived by a human being, anywhere, somewhere, instead of conceived by Satanic gnomes.
O Cruella Dearest;
How was that movie that you saw recently?
Which one, darling? I saw two movies recently, The Bridesmaid, which was ok- but I was too familiar with the story and it was late, so I was sleep. Senta wasn't really as ravishing as I had hoped, and she didn't have silver hair! Arrgh! Also I thought the guy should be more a sheltered, well meaning doofus, not Benoit who was less striking than in the Piano Teacher but still striking. Also Farewell My Concubine, which was excellent. Much better than expected. Brokeback Mountain was totally stolen from Farewell My Concubine. You know, I don't think that it's promoted the way it should be- the cover prominently features Gong Li and not the Concubine, who is played by a MAN. It is actually about a Chinese Opera- which is called Farewell my Concubine and two men who play a king and his concubine and fifty years of their playing together. It also features a lot of Chinese Opera, which sounds really stupid.
O Cruella Dearest;
Tell us about your transmission adventure.
Well, I thought my transmission was broken, because the car was acting just like it, and then it turned out not to be! I'm tired of writing now.
posted by SavageATL at 9:16 AM
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