Bigger Stimulus Package
So I took my laptop to school today in hopes that it would improve my productivity.
What do you think happened?
I see this headline on MSN.com: Bush won't rule out bigger stimulus package.
This immediately makes me think of something NSFW. I want a bigger stimulus package! That would be such a good come on. Hey sonny, wanna feel my big stimulus package? Mmmmmm, happy thoughts.
And another one, Man cracks 200 coconuts with elbow. Y'all this is what passes for news these days.
O and here's another one, "Some songs can be dangerous to one's health." Oooo, Does that mean Mariah Carey can finally be banned? I can think of several songs that are dangerous to one's intelligence, and we have Sailor Moon to prove it. - speaking of whom- he has abandoned "Fergilicious" for Rhianna. Also speaking of whom, o- this is a long story.
Alex was making some attempts at dating, sort of like how my Mom makes attempts at cooking? Like when we were young- she would attempt to make bread, but she would not use a recipe? Or yeast or anything that you would think of as "bread." She would take whole wheat flour, and yogurt and baking soda or powder, I forget which, and then the remnants of whatever sticky thing was on the table at the time, like jam or honey, and mix it up and bake it in a mixing bowl and then be thoroughly confounded when it was inedible. Then she would kind of mash it up with some cooking oil and sugar and make "cookies" which were inedible as well, so then this thing became Bird Food.
Naomi introduced him to a girl she works with, and he went out with her a couple of times but then he started taking dating advice from Sailor Moon- who claims to have a whole bevy of invisible-to-the-rest-of-us girlfriends. Sailor Moon has much advice about dating, which he dispenses liberally without regard to its grounding in reality.
Ok, fine, he MIGHT have a whole bevy of invisible girlfriends, why not. h
BUG ALERT BUG ALERT BUG ALERT AS I AM TYPING THIS AT GA STATE A ROACH JUST CRAWLED OUT OF MY COAT (I THINK) EWWWW. I AM INFESTED. AND THIS IS AFTER WE BOMBED THE HOUSE TWICE. EWWWWW.
Ok, back to post. Bug has been squished. He does drive a highly resistable Hyundai Accent and lives with his old man, and can sing (although he denies this) the entire Spice Girls catalogue, Alejandro referred to him, entirely accurately as the "big fat pig boy who comes over and eats all your food" and he makes dentures for a living! Don't you want to marry him, ladies?
I think if he continues on this campaign of untruths I am going to set him up with Cathy. That should serve both of them right. (They are mad at each other because at my birthday, Cathy got drunk and was very loudly insistent that I take my fur coat off, and then she asked him to go hang it up and he was like No! and she got mad)
He has been giving Alex all kinds of advice like you have to be mean to a girl and not call her and so forth. Alex has been LISTENING to this advice, so he is trying to be bad-ass, which is- - - yeah. He's an accountant living in a ranch house in Clarkston working on his Master's degree. Frankly, Kathie Lee Gifford would probably present a more convincing bad-ass. I told him he should just Be Himself, but then again this is someone who still wears plaid flannel shirts even though he is not a Walton and then Sara's dad wanted to take him to the PX and buy him some clothes because he thought Alex couldn't afford any - - - y'all this is NOT my fault. And Alex still thinks "Patch Adams" and "What Dreams May Come" were good movies, and -wait I will tell you about the next thing in a little bit. I should probably tell him to Be Himself but dress like someone else, someone who does not own a pair of shorts that are the colour of goose poo.
So he was all like, I'm not calling her, she has to call me, because I called her once, so now it's her turn, and just generally being difficult. This did not prove to be an effective dating strategy.
Alex reacted to this by- instead of just chalking it up to that's the way it goes and throwing away his awful shorts and not listening to Sailor Moon's "advice"- decided to buy a 1979 Monte Carlo from one of his church members, who owned the car since it was new. So now he will not get any lady friends, ever. My parents must be so proud.
Now y'all know- when old people or we (us)? give anything away, it is no good anymore, because old people and we (us?) get the absolute last drop of use out of something before we give it away or sell it. Also this car is carbureted, and if you can explain to me how a carburetor works, you can get a prize, perhaps my Big Stimulus Package. I have distant memories of our pre-fuel injection, pre-electronic ignition era cars, and they sucked mightily. First of all, a '79 Monte Carlo is all worn out if this lady is selling it, so it is no good, and it wasn't a good car in the first place when it was new. People who owned them now live in places like New York or Chicago, or wherever Osama Bin Laden is. Do you know why he hates America so much? He had a '79 Monte Carlo.
need I mention that this car broke down on its maiden voyage; he brought it to my Dad's house and on the way back to the seller's residence, it died and refused to restart. It had to be pushed for - a long way- and then decided once it had been pushed home to restart. This amused Alex considerably. "The look on your face-of horror-" Alex chortled. I steadfastly refuse to ride in "I go where I'm towed II." I think I ought to buy a violet beehive wig and wear it around him, to express my displeasure.
Alex thinks this is because I am jealous, "because my car's older than yours". Dude, that's like saying I'm jealous because you're dating Bella Abzug and I'm dating - that hot tennis chick. I think Alex has done a fair job of insuring that he is not likely to go on another date in the near term. Ladies, watch out! Alex is going to try to make you go out with him in this awful car and you will have to push it and he is going to think it is funny. Don't say I didn't warn you.
O I remember what the point of this was, so he has this horrible, horrible car, and then this weekend he and Sailor Moon decided to replace the valve cover gaskets. Now I did that once- on his Raven- with Mr. Paulino, and that car was much easier, but it did not solve the leakage. So I warned Alex this was not a good idea.
Of course Alex does not listen, and of course he disconnects accidentally a variety of vacuum and other hoses, and the car is now A) smoking for a brief interval and B) it cranks and then dies immediately. Sailor Moon, who has some kind of degree/diploma in auto mechanics that he got at missionary school (?) did not realise what the evaporative canister was.
And y'all wonder why I don't post more often!
What do you think happened?
I see this headline on MSN.com: Bush won't rule out bigger stimulus package.
This immediately makes me think of something NSFW. I want a bigger stimulus package! That would be such a good come on. Hey sonny, wanna feel my big stimulus package? Mmmmmm, happy thoughts.
And another one, Man cracks 200 coconuts with elbow. Y'all this is what passes for news these days.
O and here's another one, "Some songs can be dangerous to one's health." Oooo, Does that mean Mariah Carey can finally be banned? I can think of several songs that are dangerous to one's intelligence, and we have Sailor Moon to prove it. - speaking of whom- he has abandoned "Fergilicious" for Rhianna. Also speaking of whom, o- this is a long story.
Alex was making some attempts at dating, sort of like how my Mom makes attempts at cooking? Like when we were young- she would attempt to make bread, but she would not use a recipe? Or yeast or anything that you would think of as "bread." She would take whole wheat flour, and yogurt and baking soda or powder, I forget which, and then the remnants of whatever sticky thing was on the table at the time, like jam or honey, and mix it up and bake it in a mixing bowl and then be thoroughly confounded when it was inedible. Then she would kind of mash it up with some cooking oil and sugar and make "cookies" which were inedible as well, so then this thing became Bird Food.
Naomi introduced him to a girl she works with, and he went out with her a couple of times but then he started taking dating advice from Sailor Moon- who claims to have a whole bevy of invisible-to-the-rest-of-us girlfriends. Sailor Moon has much advice about dating, which he dispenses liberally without regard to its grounding in reality.
Ok, fine, he MIGHT have a whole bevy of invisible girlfriends, why not. h
BUG ALERT BUG ALERT BUG ALERT AS I AM TYPING THIS AT GA STATE A ROACH JUST CRAWLED OUT OF MY COAT (I THINK) EWWWW. I AM INFESTED. AND THIS IS AFTER WE BOMBED THE HOUSE TWICE. EWWWWW.
Ok, back to post. Bug has been squished. He does drive a highly resistable Hyundai Accent and lives with his old man, and can sing (although he denies this) the entire Spice Girls catalogue, Alejandro referred to him, entirely accurately as the "big fat pig boy who comes over and eats all your food" and he makes dentures for a living! Don't you want to marry him, ladies?
I think if he continues on this campaign of untruths I am going to set him up with Cathy. That should serve both of them right. (They are mad at each other because at my birthday, Cathy got drunk and was very loudly insistent that I take my fur coat off, and then she asked him to go hang it up and he was like No! and she got mad)
He has been giving Alex all kinds of advice like you have to be mean to a girl and not call her and so forth. Alex has been LISTENING to this advice, so he is trying to be bad-ass, which is- - - yeah. He's an accountant living in a ranch house in Clarkston working on his Master's degree. Frankly, Kathie Lee Gifford would probably present a more convincing bad-ass. I told him he should just Be Himself, but then again this is someone who still wears plaid flannel shirts even though he is not a Walton and then Sara's dad wanted to take him to the PX and buy him some clothes because he thought Alex couldn't afford any - - - y'all this is NOT my fault. And Alex still thinks "Patch Adams" and "What Dreams May Come" were good movies, and -wait I will tell you about the next thing in a little bit. I should probably tell him to Be Himself but dress like someone else, someone who does not own a pair of shorts that are the colour of goose poo.
So he was all like, I'm not calling her, she has to call me, because I called her once, so now it's her turn, and just generally being difficult. This did not prove to be an effective dating strategy.
Alex reacted to this by- instead of just chalking it up to that's the way it goes and throwing away his awful shorts and not listening to Sailor Moon's "advice"- decided to buy a 1979 Monte Carlo from one of his church members, who owned the car since it was new. So now he will not get any lady friends, ever. My parents must be so proud.
Now y'all know- when old people or we (us)? give anything away, it is no good anymore, because old people and we (us?) get the absolute last drop of use out of something before we give it away or sell it. Also this car is carbureted, and if you can explain to me how a carburetor works, you can get a prize, perhaps my Big Stimulus Package. I have distant memories of our pre-fuel injection, pre-electronic ignition era cars, and they sucked mightily. First of all, a '79 Monte Carlo is all worn out if this lady is selling it, so it is no good, and it wasn't a good car in the first place when it was new. People who owned them now live in places like New York or Chicago, or wherever Osama Bin Laden is. Do you know why he hates America so much? He had a '79 Monte Carlo.
need I mention that this car broke down on its maiden voyage; he brought it to my Dad's house and on the way back to the seller's residence, it died and refused to restart. It had to be pushed for - a long way- and then decided once it had been pushed home to restart. This amused Alex considerably. "The look on your face-of horror-" Alex chortled. I steadfastly refuse to ride in "I go where I'm towed II." I think I ought to buy a violet beehive wig and wear it around him, to express my displeasure.
Alex thinks this is because I am jealous, "because my car's older than yours". Dude, that's like saying I'm jealous because you're dating Bella Abzug and I'm dating - that hot tennis chick. I think Alex has done a fair job of insuring that he is not likely to go on another date in the near term. Ladies, watch out! Alex is going to try to make you go out with him in this awful car and you will have to push it and he is going to think it is funny. Don't say I didn't warn you.
O I remember what the point of this was, so he has this horrible, horrible car, and then this weekend he and Sailor Moon decided to replace the valve cover gaskets. Now I did that once- on his Raven- with Mr. Paulino, and that car was much easier, but it did not solve the leakage. So I warned Alex this was not a good idea.
Of course Alex does not listen, and of course he disconnects accidentally a variety of vacuum and other hoses, and the car is now A) smoking for a brief interval and B) it cranks and then dies immediately. Sailor Moon, who has some kind of degree/diploma in auto mechanics that he got at missionary school (?) did not realise what the evaporative canister was.
And y'all wonder why I don't post more often!
posted by SavageATL at 1:16 PM
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