Y'all! People are reading my blog!
Y'all, I was told today that people are reading my blog!
This was told to me in extreme confidence by a lady who said I could only mention her if I also said how fabulously hot she is, even after having had three kids. I confess that I had not given much thought to this before, since she is like
a) all married and
b) a lady,
so- my vectors of interest do not point in that direction but I had previously noticed her impeccable fashion sense. Ok? If this whole law school thing does not work out AND the whole Wide Bride boutique thing does not work out, and I launch a fashion line for not-wide brides- I will be calling her up to be a model. Yah.
And this is not at all a coerced-type statement. And, unbidden, I admired her shoes.
She was all- very secretive. We have to talk, she tells me. O? I said?
Yes, she said, and she told me to lean down and whispered - PEOPLE ARE READING YOUR BLOG- she told me. This is in the same tone of voice you would tell someone that like, their zipper is down and they are all hanging out and people are nicknaming them "needle dick."
Anyway, this is like, good! I always wanted people to read my blog, but then it is not good, because I feel like Harriet the Spy when she got found out, but then I realised that shouldn't care what people think, because we're not in 6th grade anymore.
Except for everyone else because law school seems to be fairly cliquish.
Anyway I went back and edited some of my posts, but I had not written that much that was bad about people.
I think, besides the Fashion Report- did I tell you I was thinking about doing a 2 girls one cup with professorial fashion? I could intersperse shots of me licking an apple sensuously with shots of professors dressing- yah- like professors. And it would be like 2 girls 1 cup- y'all know there's a market for it, there are all kinds of screwy fetishes- and I'd probably get kicked out of law school, so perhaps this is not such a good idea- I did not write very many bad things about people, except that I wrote that one gentleman had sexy arms. Well, if you really want me to apologise I shall.
I tend to be fairly insensitive- remember, once that boy, Killie, said I was a cake eater and I had to ask the other teachers what it meant? And that was one of the milder insults- so I don't always realise when I am insulting people and also I did not know anyone was reading this.
See, I was a teacher before I came and no one did what I wanted them to do, so I am not used to people reading my work.
Then again, if I had written for the students that M. le (how do you say coach in french?) le directeur de l'equipe de baseball est tres sexy mais il a des serpents chez lui alors c'est impossible- they might have read that.
I wonder if that would make a good opera. Mr. Thomas and the baseball coach, Bo RXXXX (watch him show up here next year so I'd best not put his name) and the love that could not be because Mr RXXXX kept snakes at his house and probably wasn't same vector inclined. That would make a good opera, I think, Like Mme Butterfly only it would be Mr. Baseball.
At least one song would be about athletic cups.
(Oooo, should I mind if someone reads that? I perhaps should. But I have no sense of shame.)
Well, I can be the Perez Hilton of Georgia State- No, wait, eww, I don't want to be Perez Hilton, because he is- well, let's say he's like the Truman Capote of the 21st century, except without the talent. Maybe I can be the Instapundit of Georgia State except I am not going to write boring things about policy, but interesting things, which means I am going to keep making fun of people.
Only I am not going to use their names! So y'all can't get mad at me. You will have to play a guessing game so when I say the boy who wears a baseball cap every day and I can understand why because he's real nice looking with the cap but one day he came without it and then his hair was like! Aaagh! Normally I am against baseball caps but this is one exception and then also I am still thinking about the baseball cap with the light-up Buick logo on it - well, I tried to find it on eBay but couldn't. I know it exists. Y'all have to figure out who that is.
I am thinking there are roughly 200 people at the law school and I have got 9 more weeks this term, and then 28 next year and 28 thereafter- if I make it through- so if I mention one person a week, then 65 people will not like me at the end of school, and their friends, so that potentially could be the entire law school class. I do not know who else does not like me, but I do know that one lady already does not like me for wearing fur (O yah? Well, the little bunny foo-foos are spending a ?happy? afterlife in law school- and think of how hard it is to get into law school!) and one girl already does not like me for eating an apple while answering [that one professor]'s question.
Well, I still stand by my statement: [that one professor] makes me hungry.
This was told to me in extreme confidence by a lady who said I could only mention her if I also said how fabulously hot she is, even after having had three kids. I confess that I had not given much thought to this before, since she is like
a) all married and
b) a lady,
so- my vectors of interest do not point in that direction but I had previously noticed her impeccable fashion sense. Ok? If this whole law school thing does not work out AND the whole Wide Bride boutique thing does not work out, and I launch a fashion line for not-wide brides- I will be calling her up to be a model. Yah.
And this is not at all a coerced-type statement. And, unbidden, I admired her shoes.
She was all- very secretive. We have to talk, she tells me. O? I said?
Yes, she said, and she told me to lean down and whispered - PEOPLE ARE READING YOUR BLOG- she told me. This is in the same tone of voice you would tell someone that like, their zipper is down and they are all hanging out and people are nicknaming them "needle dick."
Anyway, this is like, good! I always wanted people to read my blog, but then it is not good, because I feel like Harriet the Spy when she got found out, but then I realised that shouldn't care what people think, because we're not in 6th grade anymore.
Except for everyone else because law school seems to be fairly cliquish.
Anyway I went back and edited some of my posts, but I had not written that much that was bad about people.
I think, besides the Fashion Report- did I tell you I was thinking about doing a 2 girls one cup with professorial fashion? I could intersperse shots of me licking an apple sensuously with shots of professors dressing- yah- like professors. And it would be like 2 girls 1 cup- y'all know there's a market for it, there are all kinds of screwy fetishes- and I'd probably get kicked out of law school, so perhaps this is not such a good idea- I did not write very many bad things about people, except that I wrote that one gentleman had sexy arms. Well, if you really want me to apologise I shall.
I tend to be fairly insensitive- remember, once that boy, Killie, said I was a cake eater and I had to ask the other teachers what it meant? And that was one of the milder insults- so I don't always realise when I am insulting people and also I did not know anyone was reading this.
See, I was a teacher before I came and no one did what I wanted them to do, so I am not used to people reading my work.
Then again, if I had written for the students that M. le (how do you say coach in french?) le directeur de l'equipe de baseball est tres sexy mais il a des serpents chez lui alors c'est impossible- they might have read that.
I wonder if that would make a good opera. Mr. Thomas and the baseball coach, Bo RXXXX (watch him show up here next year so I'd best not put his name) and the love that could not be because Mr RXXXX kept snakes at his house and probably wasn't same vector inclined. That would make a good opera, I think, Like Mme Butterfly only it would be Mr. Baseball.
At least one song would be about athletic cups.
(Oooo, should I mind if someone reads that? I perhaps should. But I have no sense of shame.)
Well, I can be the Perez Hilton of Georgia State- No, wait, eww, I don't want to be Perez Hilton, because he is- well, let's say he's like the Truman Capote of the 21st century, except without the talent. Maybe I can be the Instapundit of Georgia State except I am not going to write boring things about policy, but interesting things, which means I am going to keep making fun of people.
Only I am not going to use their names! So y'all can't get mad at me. You will have to play a guessing game so when I say the boy who wears a baseball cap every day and I can understand why because he's real nice looking with the cap but one day he came without it and then his hair was like! Aaagh! Normally I am against baseball caps but this is one exception and then also I am still thinking about the baseball cap with the light-up Buick logo on it - well, I tried to find it on eBay but couldn't. I know it exists. Y'all have to figure out who that is.
I am thinking there are roughly 200 people at the law school and I have got 9 more weeks this term, and then 28 next year and 28 thereafter- if I make it through- so if I mention one person a week, then 65 people will not like me at the end of school, and their friends, so that potentially could be the entire law school class. I do not know who else does not like me, but I do know that one lady already does not like me for wearing fur (O yah? Well, the little bunny foo-foos are spending a ?happy? afterlife in law school- and think of how hard it is to get into law school!) and one girl already does not like me for eating an apple while answering [that one professor]'s question.
Well, I still stand by my statement: [that one professor] makes me hungry.
posted by SavageATL at 1:02 PM
4 Comments:
I don't know if i speak for everyone...but keep it up man, funny shit.
carry on, carry on.... fur coat and all.
I glad she told you! Now that you know your private thoughts are totally public. . .watch what you say about classmates/profs at school! Everybody might not be as understanding as those who know they've been mentioned so far. All it takes is for one knucklehead to point stuff out to administration. AND YOU KNOW SOME WOULD!
Keep it up! It is completely entertaining, though.
It would be completely wrong for you not to know and then wonder why people are looking at you funny. (Besides for the usual reasons!)
Secretly, I'm waiting for the day when you pull out a table cloth, candles, and "pimp cup" to eat at four course meal WHILE WEARING YOUR FUR COAT in class. You're almost there.
Where the hell do you find those BIG ASS BAGELS!
BTW, would you kindly present up with your commentary on how a guy might have come to transition from being a beet farmer to a paper salesman? Do you think his fingers are permanently red? Hmmm?
ALAN WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?!?!?!?!! Just because school is over does NOT mean that you can just leave us high and dry like this. we missssssss youuuuuuuu. come back!!!! BLOG SOME MORE, DAMN IT!!
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