New Jokes

Everyone is going on and on and on about the whole gay marriage thing before the Supreme Court . . . I should have a stronger feeling about this but I'd rather just make jokes about it. See, I don't know what the big deal is, because gay marriage is already legal. Gays can get married. In all states. I know of at least one person, who deliberately or inadvertently, married a gay. Gays can even marry each other. What they cannot do is get married to someone of the same sex, which is why I suppose it is why they are calling it same-sex marriage. Perhaps also they are calling it same sex marriage in order to make straight people not care. "Why, I've had a same sex marriage for years! Nothing weird about that! We've been having the same kind of sex for years! Twice a week, he says, roll over baby, I want some, and then we do it. Seven minutes. Each time. Just like the frosting." The states which have legalised gay marriage are Connecticut, Iowa, Maine, Maryland, Massachusetts, New Hampshire, New York, Vermont, Washington, and District of Columbia. . . Now I want to point something out. These are all states, particularly Iowa, Maine, New Hampshire, Vermont, and Washington, . . . which have a high concentration of lesbians, and isn't the whole DOMA challenge being brought by a lesbian? I think lesbians are so unheralded in gay history. There are lots of famous gay men in history . . . michaelangelo, Socrates, all those fashion designers, movie stars and directors, you know . . . but the only famous lesbians I can think of are Gertrude Stein, who wrote unreadable books, and Eleanor Roosevelt, who started a long proud line of really ugly Democratic women, right on down to Amy Carter, Janet Reno, and Chelsea Clinton. Lesbians are just less noticeable, or go less out of their way to be noticed . . . sometimes . . . you go by someone in Home Depot and you think, hey, it's the Brawny man- plaid shirt, jeans, medium length hair, boots, a little "husky" they've cut back on his mustache a little- - - and it's ostensibly a chick. Perhaps this just goes to show you what all women can accomplish when they don't have to, or don't want to spend all their time getting pretty for a man. I mean, Condi Rice was an accomplished concert pianist, who managed to avoid getting nom nom nomed by Aretha Franklin, and Secretary of State and etc etc, and first American woman in space, Sally Ride, and, yah! Watch out for the lesbians, is what I say, and not just because they are easily mistaken for backhoes. I would like to know how you compliment a lesbian on her new love interest. Because to a dude, you can always say, s/he's hot! And the dude will generally appreciate it. Now if she isn't hot, and I'm thinking of someone in particular, you can say, she seems really nice, or smart, or (in contrast to your last girlfriend) really sane. . but like to a lesbian, they aren't what I would consider hot, cos I am not turned on by Drew Carrey, and I have not been an attorney long enough to convincingly lie. And they seldom come across as nice . . . more like, intense. Is that an appropriate compliment? Can you say, oh yes, your new lady friend, she seems really, intense? Or will they beat you with sporting equipment? I'm kinda looking forward to the whole gay marriage thing, also, because it is going to give a whole new meaning to the word "gay divorcee" and also the weddings and the bridezilla things are going to get so out of hand. The weddings are going to require a choreographer. Madonna is going to remix the wedding march for aging queens and I guess . . . Lady Gaga can remix it for the youngish folks? And the wedding planners are frequently gay, right, so there's lots of possibilities for much sleeping around excitement and drama. I say bring it on, because when you have people like Rush Limbaugh, Bill Clinton, Donald Trump, and Newt Gingrich discussing marriage . . . Ima say you can safely go 180 degrees from it. And yes, I know, that Bill Clinton "recently reversed his position on gay marriage" or whatever. That man would eat a bug on live television if he thought it would get him attention. There is nothing too humiliating for him to do, including pretend to be married to Hillary, and screw really woofy chicks, in order to keep in the spotlight. Although, on the other hand, I'm not really sure why gay people are all that anxious to get married. They used to basically HAVE to get married a while ago, and then they fought not to do that, and then now they want to get married . . . but to another gay . . . of the same sex. I did used to want to get married. And then for a while, I thought I would end up like in musical chairs where everyone was married and I was the only one left . . . and now I am thinking, I am going to end up like in musical chairs, and the difference is I am going to be the only one left with an utterly unsuitable person that will be hella expensive to get rid of. If they make marriage legal, this could be unpleasantly complicated, and I could end up really stuck somehow, which I am thinking I do not want to do, because there seems to be thus far a huge and unbridgeable canyon between men who are sexually attractive and men who are great relationship material. Y'all, I tried with Mr. K. He is so hot! But he is also very moody and hateful, and after he had a fit at Anthony who came to install the dishwasher and disposal, and had a fit at Nathan, who came to have his taxes done, he gots to go. I can rather understand the whole . . . I don't want your exes coming over, but Mr. K. also, inexplicably to me, hates Sheridan, and he hates several other people he may not have met. And Nathan and I were doing taxes in the dining room. Not remotely suspicious or questionable. And Mr. K. - turned into the situation rather than being in a situation? So. Actually, have I met guys who seem to be good relationship material? Perhaps not. I have tried though. Certain people . . . one . . . that should have been, and I don't even know why it didn't work out. But o well. At least I tried, and I can say I've had an interesting life thus far.