Eurythmas List
It's time for me to make the List of Things I Would Like to Receive for Eurythmas, which can be viewed at http://www.ain. Let's be realistic. The likelihood that I am going to receive what I want and deserve for Eurythmas is close to that of, say, Pauly Shore (sorry, Ed told me to scratch that, and he's right; substitute Robin Williams) making a movie not used to induce vomiting. Yes, readers, I would continue the tradition of buying my own Eurythmas presents and pretending they are from someone else but we don't have any money again so that isn't a possibility either.
I think that I should threaten y'all with becoming Jehovah's Witnesses. Then we wouldn't be allowed to celebrate any holidays anymore; that would solve the problem. Perhaps this possibility strikes you as so distasteful that you are willing to buy me whatever I want just so that I don't become a Jehovah's Witness. You know, I COULD knock on your door VERY early Saturday morning and demand conference about entrance into the Kingdom of Heaven. Trey could also do this. Even more so, perhaps we could start an organisation of GAY Jehovah's Witnesses, like the Gay Catholics, and knock on your door very early Saturday morning in DRESSES. Think about it carefully. Remember friends, Gin really isn't all that expensive.
I would like:
A large bottle of Gin.
A boxed set of John Waters movies on DVD.
At least 1.75 litres of Citadelle Gin.
A "Krazy Kat" album.
A pressure Canner.
A Year of Magical Thinking
Did I mention Gin?
Kirban's body braces for my car. www.kirbanperformance.com
Those little struts that hold up the hood and are worn out.
A nice set of floor mats which have the turbo 6 logo on them. (And if you could include a large bottle of Gin, that would just be super; I could get really tanked and thrust my floor mats in everyone's faces and insist you admire them. This is better than other things I could thrust in your face and insist that you admire while really tanked)
Some chrome bits to make my car all shiny under the hood.
A new crank sensor.
A Roach Death ray, that will really kill the roaches in our house. Like a phaser, or that death ray that the Martians had in the good (original) War of the Worlds, because nothing else kills the roaches. Y'all, I even broke down and bought spray and sprayed. And do you know what happened? That spray makes me cough and I have to wear that mask while spraying it? The roaches just laugh and think it's some new kind of cocktail. Some of the roaches live inside the IRON. They can live inside the iron while it's ON and all hot and burning things. They live inside the DISHWASHER. They live in the stove and come out to see what is cooking and dance around. I keep squashing them. They multiply. It's really gross, even worse than the dead rat Trey wrapped in newspaper and put underneath the sink. Perhaps, if you gave me an extra large bottle of gin, then I could feed the roaches the gin, and they would get, like, cirrhosis of their little roach livers and die? And be tempted to smoke little tiny cigarettes, and drive drunk?
Opal Jewelry, as in a large, glittery Opal ring.
A GNX dash.
A replacement for my nice Advantix camera which Trey got stolen out of his car.
Whatever the latest season of "King of the Hill" on DVD is.
I still would like the entire Eurythmics boxed set, but that's unlikely as well. Sigh.
Minions.
The makings of several good martinis- on the rocks, with olives.
I think that I should threaten y'all with becoming Jehovah's Witnesses. Then we wouldn't be allowed to celebrate any holidays anymore; that would solve the problem. Perhaps this possibility strikes you as so distasteful that you are willing to buy me whatever I want just so that I don't become a Jehovah's Witness. You know, I COULD knock on your door VERY early Saturday morning and demand conference about entrance into the Kingdom of Heaven. Trey could also do this. Even more so, perhaps we could start an organisation of GAY Jehovah's Witnesses, like the Gay Catholics, and knock on your door very early Saturday morning in DRESSES. Think about it carefully. Remember friends, Gin really isn't all that expensive.
I would like:
A large bottle of Gin.
A boxed set of John Waters movies on DVD.
At least 1.75 litres of Citadelle Gin.
A "Krazy Kat" album.
A pressure Canner.
A Year of Magical Thinking
Did I mention Gin?
Kirban's body braces for my car. www.kirbanperformance.com
Those little struts that hold up the hood and are worn out.
A nice set of floor mats which have the turbo 6 logo on them. (And if you could include a large bottle of Gin, that would just be super; I could get really tanked and thrust my floor mats in everyone's faces and insist you admire them. This is better than other things I could thrust in your face and insist that you admire while really tanked)
Some chrome bits to make my car all shiny under the hood.
A new crank sensor.
A Roach Death ray, that will really kill the roaches in our house. Like a phaser, or that death ray that the Martians had in the good (original) War of the Worlds, because nothing else kills the roaches. Y'all, I even broke down and bought spray and sprayed. And do you know what happened? That spray makes me cough and I have to wear that mask while spraying it? The roaches just laugh and think it's some new kind of cocktail. Some of the roaches live inside the IRON. They can live inside the iron while it's ON and all hot and burning things. They live inside the DISHWASHER. They live in the stove and come out to see what is cooking and dance around. I keep squashing them. They multiply. It's really gross, even worse than the dead rat Trey wrapped in newspaper and put underneath the sink. Perhaps, if you gave me an extra large bottle of gin, then I could feed the roaches the gin, and they would get, like, cirrhosis of their little roach livers and die? And be tempted to smoke little tiny cigarettes, and drive drunk?
Opal Jewelry, as in a large, glittery Opal ring.
A GNX dash.
A replacement for my nice Advantix camera which Trey got stolen out of his car.
Whatever the latest season of "King of the Hill" on DVD is.
I still would like the entire Eurythmics boxed set, but that's unlikely as well. Sigh.
Minions.
The makings of several good martinis- on the rocks, with olives.
posted by SavageATL at 2:08 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home