My Day
What my day is like.
The alarm clock goes off at quarter til 5. I turn it off and wish I were dead. The alarm clock goes off at 5. I turn it off and wish I were dead; then I pray and meditate and contemplate what will be an acceptable time to get up. I manage to struggle out of bed at quarter til 6 and hope fervently that when I am a lawyer, I will be able to get up at a reasonable hour, such as 11.
Then I have my shower and turn off the heat. I manage not to knock the toothpaste into the loo today.
I keep thinking, as I leave, that I've forgotten something.
I stop at Burger King to get breakfast and feel queasy. I think about taking a day off this week.
I have to make copies in the morning.
Dominique threatens to sing "Alouette" in first period. I remember that I had a nightmare the other night, the central theme of which was Dominique "singing" Alouette. I live in fear of this because not only does she manage to slaughter the song musically, but also lyrically. "Je te plumeroo meroo" I feel that I'm going to end up in French Teacher hell, but then I've already been there.
Then another day Dominique gets kicked out of class for shouting "He's touching my balls!" over and over. The man who hit my car last week calls me to make arrangements for dropping off the cheque.
Diane and Olivier get in an argument about eating disorders, and reminisce, at length, about all the times I've flipped out on them. Fabrice tells me that I am an evil robot.
Trey wants to go to the Dogwood Festival this weekend, but I dimly remember having gone and it having been boring. I think I would rather spend the weekend renting a paddleboat and going out on a lake somewhere and rowing around. I try to think of how angry Trey might be if I reject his plan and propose something else and will it be worth it.
In 2nd period, Rose tries, loudly, to conspire with the other girls. "Ask if you can go to the bathroom so you can get me a drink." In 2nd period, Alice is angry at me. I'm going to bite your clock off the wall! She threatens. She fails to carry out this threat, unfortunately. Rose is busy writing, in English, I don't love Alan anymore, which, of course, reminds me of Don't Ask Me Why. Alice hates me and says so several times during the rest of the class. Ah, oui. I say. I HATE you, she insists. Alice, Aline, and Rose start a long exchange about how much they hate this class and how they are going to take Spanish next year. Rachel gets kicked out of class at the beginning and refuses to leave and pulls the head off of one of the dolls. Plus, she RAPS, which I find EXTREMELY irritating. I want to tell her to turn round because her face is frankly not her best feature but somehow avoid saying this.
3rd period all giggles when Andre says that he took a shower. Jules is apparently high again and hates school. He has something rude written on his t-shirt in Spanish which I do not feel like translating. Something about a donkey. Amelie tells Andre, Your fingernails are so long! They're like Mr Thomas's! Irene is angry again and makes faces because I won't let her use my book. Regis tells me, I hate it when you smile like that! It makes me so mad, but it makes me laugh at the same time. Irene is angry at me on Wednesday. I seriously don't like you anymore, she informs me. You are so URRRR! I wonder what Gone with the Wind would be like remade with my classes. Irene could be Scarlett, and instead of saying, As God is my Witness, I'll never be hungry again! She would be like, Omigod! This sucks so much. Urrrr! And Cesar could be Rhett, and instead of saying Frankly my Dear I don't give a damn, he would say, Tu as besoin de mourir.
Leon and Guillaume flirt shamelessly with each other, but they do not bother Marie the way they usually do.
I spend my lunch, pasta with deer sausage, reading an article in Arts and Letters Daily by one of the gentlemen who wrote the Bell Curve and now is positing that Jews are smarter than everyone else. Well, if they're so smart why didn't they conquer some place and go live there. Heck, there are a lot of sparsely populated states they could have had instead of Palestine, and then we wouldn't be hearing on the radio all the time about the Israeli-Palestinian conflict. Anyone with half a lick of sense would have read their history and decided it was time to make a fresh start, somewhere their enemies WEREN'T. Also I fill out my Kaplan timesheet, an excruciatingly tedious process.
Chantal decides she does not want to sit down in 6th period. I want to sit next to you, she says. No, I say, go sit down. How come you never give me detention? she asks. I offer her an Altoid as an inducement to sit down. They're poisoned! Announces another student. Mr. Thomas poisons his Altoids. I decide to take attendance instead of pointing out that they aren't worth murdering. Chantal gets kicked out of class. Jeannette and Andree are shouting at each other across the room. I yell at 6th period for talking about russian roulette. Noelle really, really hates me because I took her picture and have failed to return it yet. I wouldn't hate you so much if you weren't such an awful teacher! She tells me. I make the contrapositive of this statement, a move which briefly gets their attention.
For some reason, all of the children are talking like Borat today.
I have agreed to chaperone Tony's field trip to Helen with the German students. This reminds me of a song I learnt a very very very long time ago. Stop! Komm Hier! Geh auf die Seite! I wonder what this will be like.
The alarm clock goes off at quarter til 5. I turn it off and wish I were dead. The alarm clock goes off at 5. I turn it off and wish I were dead; then I pray and meditate and contemplate what will be an acceptable time to get up. I manage to struggle out of bed at quarter til 6 and hope fervently that when I am a lawyer, I will be able to get up at a reasonable hour, such as 11.
Then I have my shower and turn off the heat. I manage not to knock the toothpaste into the loo today.
I keep thinking, as I leave, that I've forgotten something.
I stop at Burger King to get breakfast and feel queasy. I think about taking a day off this week.
I have to make copies in the morning.
Dominique threatens to sing "Alouette" in first period. I remember that I had a nightmare the other night, the central theme of which was Dominique "singing" Alouette. I live in fear of this because not only does she manage to slaughter the song musically, but also lyrically. "Je te plumeroo meroo" I feel that I'm going to end up in French Teacher hell, but then I've already been there.
Then another day Dominique gets kicked out of class for shouting "He's touching my balls!" over and over. The man who hit my car last week calls me to make arrangements for dropping off the cheque.
Diane and Olivier get in an argument about eating disorders, and reminisce, at length, about all the times I've flipped out on them. Fabrice tells me that I am an evil robot.
Trey wants to go to the Dogwood Festival this weekend, but I dimly remember having gone and it having been boring. I think I would rather spend the weekend renting a paddleboat and going out on a lake somewhere and rowing around. I try to think of how angry Trey might be if I reject his plan and propose something else and will it be worth it.
In 2nd period, Rose tries, loudly, to conspire with the other girls. "Ask if you can go to the bathroom so you can get me a drink." In 2nd period, Alice is angry at me. I'm going to bite your clock off the wall! She threatens. She fails to carry out this threat, unfortunately. Rose is busy writing, in English, I don't love Alan anymore, which, of course, reminds me of Don't Ask Me Why. Alice hates me and says so several times during the rest of the class. Ah, oui. I say. I HATE you, she insists. Alice, Aline, and Rose start a long exchange about how much they hate this class and how they are going to take Spanish next year. Rachel gets kicked out of class at the beginning and refuses to leave and pulls the head off of one of the dolls. Plus, she RAPS, which I find EXTREMELY irritating. I want to tell her to turn round because her face is frankly not her best feature but somehow avoid saying this.
3rd period all giggles when Andre says that he took a shower. Jules is apparently high again and hates school. He has something rude written on his t-shirt in Spanish which I do not feel like translating. Something about a donkey. Amelie tells Andre, Your fingernails are so long! They're like Mr Thomas's! Irene is angry again and makes faces because I won't let her use my book. Regis tells me, I hate it when you smile like that! It makes me so mad, but it makes me laugh at the same time. Irene is angry at me on Wednesday. I seriously don't like you anymore, she informs me. You are so URRRR! I wonder what Gone with the Wind would be like remade with my classes. Irene could be Scarlett, and instead of saying, As God is my Witness, I'll never be hungry again! She would be like, Omigod! This sucks so much. Urrrr! And Cesar could be Rhett, and instead of saying Frankly my Dear I don't give a damn, he would say, Tu as besoin de mourir.
Leon and Guillaume flirt shamelessly with each other, but they do not bother Marie the way they usually do.
I spend my lunch, pasta with deer sausage, reading an article in Arts and Letters Daily by one of the gentlemen who wrote the Bell Curve and now is positing that Jews are smarter than everyone else. Well, if they're so smart why didn't they conquer some place and go live there. Heck, there are a lot of sparsely populated states they could have had instead of Palestine, and then we wouldn't be hearing on the radio all the time about the Israeli-Palestinian conflict. Anyone with half a lick of sense would have read their history and decided it was time to make a fresh start, somewhere their enemies WEREN'T. Also I fill out my Kaplan timesheet, an excruciatingly tedious process.
Chantal decides she does not want to sit down in 6th period. I want to sit next to you, she says. No, I say, go sit down. How come you never give me detention? she asks. I offer her an Altoid as an inducement to sit down. They're poisoned! Announces another student. Mr. Thomas poisons his Altoids. I decide to take attendance instead of pointing out that they aren't worth murdering. Chantal gets kicked out of class. Jeannette and Andree are shouting at each other across the room. I yell at 6th period for talking about russian roulette. Noelle really, really hates me because I took her picture and have failed to return it yet. I wouldn't hate you so much if you weren't such an awful teacher! She tells me. I make the contrapositive of this statement, a move which briefly gets their attention.
For some reason, all of the children are talking like Borat today.
I have agreed to chaperone Tony's field trip to Helen with the German students. This reminds me of a song I learnt a very very very long time ago. Stop! Komm Hier! Geh auf die Seite! I wonder what this will be like.
posted by SavageATL at 11:59 AM
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