How to Handle a Parent Conference
All teachers have to handle parent conferences sooner or later, some more often than others, depending on whether the parents of your students are Functioning Adults or Crack Whores. (Sometimes, even the crack whore parents will show up.) This can be very stressful, because you then have to meet the direct genetic forebears of their misbegotten mashed-turnips-for-brains children, so parent conferences sometimes feel like Dragon Lady meets Lucille Ball, but without funny results. Don't let the parents get the better of you.
First of all, parents are not your enemy, even though it may seem like they created the Demon Seed and Rosemary's Baby, etc. HOWEVER, 90% of the time the reason they want to see you and take time out of their busy schedules undoing all the learning you put in little Dubya's head is that you have done something to tick them off, so they come in on the offensive. Here's how to deal with some situations:
1) Call for backup. Be prepared, before you hold a parent conference, to have another faculty member WHOM YOU CAN TRUST attend the meeting. It doesn't matter how low-key the parent may seem in discussions you have previously had. They can very easily turn it into a he-said-she-said situation, or they can misinterpret what you say and turn it against you. It also helps to have another teacher there so that they can back you on policies you may have in your classroom, because parents often feel that your policies are unfair and another teacher/TRUSTWORTHY administrator can defuse those problems.
2) Show, Don't Tell. Frequently, parents complain about their student's grade. Have a grade printout ready and have some sample work to show the parent, both of their student and of other students for comparison. You shouldn't have to or even try to explain to the parent why Dubya has a 45. The work should make it evident. You can certainly point to blank pages, or ask Dubya, do you have the paper in which you described why Harriet Miers was a good nominee? Show me the quiz on Hurricane Katrina. Show me the paper you wrote on the war in Iraq. The student (middle through high school) should have a notebook and be able to show you. If they can't, then the parent ends up drawing the same conclusions you have already reached, without you having to tell them flat, Dubya's not doing his work, which sounds judgemental to many parents.
3) The Name Game. As we stated earlier, Dubya may have mashed turnips for brains and behave in class like a drunken frat boy at the Gold Club. Don't say "Dubya is dumb" or "Dubya is obnoxious." DOCUMENT the problems- for grades, see above; for behaviour, document it objectively. Show WHY Dubya is disrespectful, or disruptive, or whatever, in objective comments, I.e. "12 October, Dubya said I should be fired" "17 October, Dubya wrote on another boy's shoe". At that point, you have incontrovertible evidence.
4) Ask for the parent's help in addressing the problem. INSTEAD OF SAYING what YOU think should be done, ask the parent what they think should be done. How can we help? What do you think would help? This removes any possibility of the parent being defensive or saying no, that can't be done. Sometimes you will have to say no but then they were expecting that. Also offer the parent options. We can do X,Y, and Z. Here are the resources available, you pick. Then it's up to them to implement the solution.
First of all, parents are not your enemy, even though it may seem like they created the Demon Seed and Rosemary's Baby, etc. HOWEVER, 90% of the time the reason they want to see you and take time out of their busy schedules undoing all the learning you put in little Dubya's head is that you have done something to tick them off, so they come in on the offensive. Here's how to deal with some situations:
1) Call for backup. Be prepared, before you hold a parent conference, to have another faculty member WHOM YOU CAN TRUST attend the meeting. It doesn't matter how low-key the parent may seem in discussions you have previously had. They can very easily turn it into a he-said-she-said situation, or they can misinterpret what you say and turn it against you. It also helps to have another teacher there so that they can back you on policies you may have in your classroom, because parents often feel that your policies are unfair and another teacher/TRUSTWORTHY administrator can defuse those problems.
2) Show, Don't Tell. Frequently, parents complain about their student's grade. Have a grade printout ready and have some sample work to show the parent, both of their student and of other students for comparison. You shouldn't have to or even try to explain to the parent why Dubya has a 45. The work should make it evident. You can certainly point to blank pages, or ask Dubya, do you have the paper in which you described why Harriet Miers was a good nominee? Show me the quiz on Hurricane Katrina. Show me the paper you wrote on the war in Iraq. The student (middle through high school) should have a notebook and be able to show you. If they can't, then the parent ends up drawing the same conclusions you have already reached, without you having to tell them flat, Dubya's not doing his work, which sounds judgemental to many parents.
3) The Name Game. As we stated earlier, Dubya may have mashed turnips for brains and behave in class like a drunken frat boy at the Gold Club. Don't say "Dubya is dumb" or "Dubya is obnoxious." DOCUMENT the problems- for grades, see above; for behaviour, document it objectively. Show WHY Dubya is disrespectful, or disruptive, or whatever, in objective comments, I.e. "12 October, Dubya said I should be fired" "17 October, Dubya wrote on another boy's shoe". At that point, you have incontrovertible evidence.
4) Ask for the parent's help in addressing the problem. INSTEAD OF SAYING what YOU think should be done, ask the parent what they think should be done. How can we help? What do you think would help? This removes any possibility of the parent being defensive or saying no, that can't be done. Sometimes you will have to say no but then they were expecting that. Also offer the parent options. We can do X,Y, and Z. Here are the resources available, you pick. Then it's up to them to implement the solution.
posted by SavageATL at 7:59 AM
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