Cruella Has Been Busy Making Liberals Cry
Ok, so it was only one liberal, I still get Ann Coulter points though. Which, could kinda be a bad thing? I'm not at all sure I want to be like Ann Coulter.
Anyway, this happened in the course of an argument -Dean and I had beend iscussing a variety of things, including Caribbean resorts and the morality of going there when they're full of poverty- which I am all for (going there, not the poverty) because seriously y'all, I am sorry they are poor and all? But not going there isn't going to help and it does make some people's lives better. Dean seems to think that Sarah Palin is pretty much Lester Maddox in a fetching skirt suit, and of course I disagree with this, and then were discussing alternative energy and he said that we should use more of it, so I pulled the Ayn Rand card and Questioned His Premises- as in, what alternative energies? And he used the line about well, we should spend more on research- and I pointed out that ExxonMobil etc had probably researched this stuff to death because if YOU think the oil is going to run out, then what do you think THEY think? And what would they do if the oil ran out? So it's BEEN researched, that's not the problem, the problem is that "alternative" energies are not economically viable- it's always going to take more energy to create a gallon of ethanol than is contained therein- and then he started crying because he realised he knew nothing. I do not want to make people cry but then you should not be all liberal around me either.
I went to Trackside because Ian encouraged me to on Friday. I was all busy having a bath, because Everyone (you know who you are) had declined my offers of pie and wine- (think about it, doesn’t that sound good? Wouldn’t you love a really nice warm berry pie- with ice cream, and flaky crust- and some wine? If you don’t, shut up.)
So I had gone to the Thrift Store and was busy eating Trashy food (hot dogs with that plasticky cheese) and reading a trashy book in the bathtub.
So, discoveries were made! Alex is now trying to shove his embarrassment on Joe, because I walked in and demanded of them, “Did y’all find me a nice man to have sex with yet?” And Alex tried to blame his immediate embarrassment on Joe, like when Heather (God rest her soul) tried to blame Trey for putting a hole in Freomi’s wall when Heather was kinda- sitting in the hole she had made in the wall with her big fat ass.
And then- did y’all know Ian has acquired the rather annoying habit of beginning every sentence with “When I was in Thailand?”
This aggravates me as it indicates an insufficient level of interest in ME. A shift, if you will, from the Rightful Centre of Attention. Also this strikes me as a rather Tennessee Williams esque allusion to Ruined Grandeur? Sort of?
I objected to this by finishing Ian's sentences. "When I was in Thailand" - - - I grew a horn in the middle of my head, the sun shone out of my behind, I could rub my tummy and pat my head at the same time.
I had too many drinks to discover anything else that I clearly remember. Ian and I did have a long politicoeconomic discussion about tariffs. I did object fiercely to chicken wings being very close to me, because Ian kept pawing my sleeve after eating said chicken wings, which could have been a problem because said sleeve was A) white and B) part of one of the few pieces of nice clothing that I own and drippy chicken wings + nice white jacket = :( At least for me.
Anyway, I have one political view, and my (class that I teach) students have another. They are very pro-nature.
I am very- well, I like nature, but in very limited doses. Nature is, for one thing, great for separating me from Other People. I have a fair amount of Nature around my house. I would have more were it possible.
Nature provides great backdrops for me to ride through in a car, or perhaps on a bus, and harass Suzanne (Didn’t We Almost Have it All) Wakefield to teach me to knit.
Nature has Frogs which you can threaten other law students with, and upset Mr. Peabody because you are harassing the frogs.
Nature is good for walking around in and looking at, provided that you got there in a climate controlled car and are going to your climate controlled home in a climate controlled car the same day to eat food that you bought at climate controlled Wal-Mart which was all nicely packaged for you and you don’t have to eat things like yamioc out of the dirt.
When I think of nature, it’s like, it’s nice to visit, but I wouldn’t want to live there, like- New York, or Paris. I think of Nature as- Scarlett grubbing the dirty turnip straight out of the ground and shouting “As God is my witness, I’ll never be hungry again!” So on the whole, I think it is a Good Thing that Man dominates Nature, particularly when the Actual Productive Acts of Dominating are Done by Other People, because Instead of Doing My Corporations Homework, I am Typing This Blog Entry, and You Can Get Away With That In Corporations Unless My Dad’s Angry Twin Calls On You But in Nature That is the Kind of Laziness that Leads to, oh, Say, the Dust Bowl.
Ok, I promise not to overcapitalise for the rest of this entry.
Granted, I think Man is particularly bad when he dominates nature by making it into boring things like baseball fields or football fields, places where a stunning amount of incredible boringness is contrived, even more than that on C-Span.
But Nature, outside the Box, is not so good, like it can make hurricanes! That want to kill you! Right?
In fact, generally, nature DOES want to kill you; trees, for example, could fall on you, if they were not stopped by the perhaps convenient medium of your house being between them and you, and I should know because this happened not too long ago.
Animals bite, trample, maul and devour and- wait, there goes that voice again. What’s that you say? O it’s the voice of my inner 13 year old girl, telling me a Pony would never do that.
Well little girl, let me tell you this: Ponies- grow up to be horses- and have you ever looked at the TEETH on a horse? Let me tell you- they could chomp the ever living crap out of you, horses just don’t think to do so. But they do kick, from what I understand. Anyway, I saw that movie about the man who went and messed with the bears until they ate him.
But another little voice says, but what about your personal experiences with nature? You don’t experience it, so how do you know?
Aha! I say, but I have! I have experienced it enough to realise:
Nature is ungrateful and stupid.
Sunday I was all like, I have to study! But it is nice outside! So I will sit outside and study.
This attracted the attention of a couple of solicitous yellow jackets. They developed a compelling interest in my feet.
I, sadly, failed to appreciate this interest. Interest by yellow jackets can frequently lead to unfortunate consequences for the interestee.
The solution to this would be go back inside, but I was not willing to do this and be defeated by Nature, so I thought of a compromise: I would come up with something that the yellow jackets could be interested in- indeed- benefit by- I would be generous- and leave my feet alone. Which were bare, mind you.
So I got some juice and put it in a tea light holder some small distance away. Did this lure the yellow jackets away from my unfruitful feet? (I had just taken a bath, so shut up. They did not smell like a dead opossum)
No it did not, stupid yellow jackets. There’s ungrateful and stupid for you: insects.
And how can you get more natural than insects? Dirt, by the way, is stupid and ungrateful also. And out of curiosity; how are yellow jackets sexed? Like most bees are not fertile but sterile female workers, and then there’s the queen, and then there are male drones to fertilise the queen, but have you ever heard of a queen wasp? Wait, I guess Teresa Heinz-Kerry would be kinda a Queen WASP. Hee.
Anyway, I like Nature, but you know, I am all aware of the fact that Nature does not always like us, it frequently involves elements of cold, damp, biting, stinging, that kind of thing.
There was some discussion of this in class, based on something we had read dealing with Nature and the need to control it or something. Nature when it is left alone is best or something along those Idiot Rousseauvian lines.
And I agree, pointed out one (the only actual, as far as I know) lady in the class.
This lady has the sort of appearance that- well, indicates a more than passing familiarity with straightening irons and moisturisers. Like, not going out for beaver buffet! Not the ballcap and sweats and faint mustache kind of “lady”. So I am thinking the lady and nature would, in reality, have more of an adversarial than cooperative relationship. She looks like she cannot go out of a 5 mile radius of an Elizabeth Arden. But she does work for TFA teaching 1st grade so she is pretty! And tough at the same time! I admire her.
But I point this out. Nature, I observe, is cold and damp and full of things that bite and sting.
So are we, she replied.
Although I do NOT invite you to personally verify this, I am NOT cold and damp! I tell lady. Nor do I bite or sting, unless you ask!
Really, people have complained that I got drunk and babbled, or – well, got drunk and ______ but no one to date has complained that I have ever been cold and damp.
All three of the class thought this was funny.
On leaving I made some offhand comment about “This is where the MAGIC happens.”
Another inappropriate comment! She said.
Y'all! Is that inappropriate? If “Magic” has some meaning I don’t know about, please let me know before I tell this to – ooo spose like, I said that to some professor, and he/she thought it was a come on? And then took me up on it? That would be bad. Imagine fending off the lustful advances of (irascible green elf professor) or (small angry bird professor) or (“interestingly” dressed professor) or (the professor who wore my suits). I could say, This is where the “magic” happens, and then wave a dead animal.
They can’t find that insulting, I daresay they would find fending off my advances equally horrid.
O and on a completely unrelated note: do y’all buy- like, the not actually Tupperware containers from Wal-Mart? In the big boxes that claim, 164 piece set only 19.99? Food Saver or whatever?
And what I want to know is, does that thing that take the other sock take half of the not-trademarked-as-Tupperware things? Like you always have a bunch of random lids, and then a bunch of random bowls. Perhaps other people (I know who you are) are more organised or whatever, but all I know, is; I pack my many course lunch in my not-trademarked-as-Tupperware containers, which start with both A lid and A bowl.
The Lid and The Bowl eventually get emptied and end up in the dishwasher. They get washed. They end up in a cabinet.
Then I do not know what happens. I think the Thing that takes the other sock and was stealing screwdrivers and scissors (and my engagement ring; I know where I put it and it is not there anymore, damn you) takes them. So then I clean out all the mismatched bits from under the cabinet and go buy another box.
But then have you noticed, like I bought a whole box of this stuff from IKEA? And like, half of the containers are exactly the size to hold, like, three olives, some toothpicks, or one baby carrot? Dudes! WTF are the Swedes eating that requires this sort of container?
Ya Sven, I packed yer lunch, orgy borgy.
du, Ilsa, orgy, did ja pack my borgy vun vienna sausage?
Ya Sven borgy borgy, I packed it, orgy, und I packed yer vun stick of celery
separate und tree olives und vun finger sandwich mit der herrings und lingonberry.
Yum!
Anyway, this happened in the course of an argument -Dean and I had beend iscussing a variety of things, including Caribbean resorts and the morality of going there when they're full of poverty- which I am all for (going there, not the poverty) because seriously y'all, I am sorry they are poor and all? But not going there isn't going to help and it does make some people's lives better. Dean seems to think that Sarah Palin is pretty much Lester Maddox in a fetching skirt suit, and of course I disagree with this, and then were discussing alternative energy and he said that we should use more of it, so I pulled the Ayn Rand card and Questioned His Premises- as in, what alternative energies? And he used the line about well, we should spend more on research- and I pointed out that ExxonMobil etc had probably researched this stuff to death because if YOU think the oil is going to run out, then what do you think THEY think? And what would they do if the oil ran out? So it's BEEN researched, that's not the problem, the problem is that "alternative" energies are not economically viable- it's always going to take more energy to create a gallon of ethanol than is contained therein- and then he started crying because he realised he knew nothing. I do not want to make people cry but then you should not be all liberal around me either.
I went to Trackside because Ian encouraged me to on Friday. I was all busy having a bath, because Everyone (you know who you are) had declined my offers of pie and wine- (think about it, doesn’t that sound good? Wouldn’t you love a really nice warm berry pie- with ice cream, and flaky crust- and some wine? If you don’t, shut up.)
So I had gone to the Thrift Store and was busy eating Trashy food (hot dogs with that plasticky cheese) and reading a trashy book in the bathtub.
So, discoveries were made! Alex is now trying to shove his embarrassment on Joe, because I walked in and demanded of them, “Did y’all find me a nice man to have sex with yet?” And Alex tried to blame his immediate embarrassment on Joe, like when Heather (God rest her soul) tried to blame Trey for putting a hole in Freomi’s wall when Heather was kinda- sitting in the hole she had made in the wall with her big fat ass.
And then- did y’all know Ian has acquired the rather annoying habit of beginning every sentence with “When I was in Thailand?”
This aggravates me as it indicates an insufficient level of interest in ME. A shift, if you will, from the Rightful Centre of Attention. Also this strikes me as a rather Tennessee Williams esque allusion to Ruined Grandeur? Sort of?
I objected to this by finishing Ian's sentences. "When I was in Thailand" - - - I grew a horn in the middle of my head, the sun shone out of my behind, I could rub my tummy and pat my head at the same time.
I had too many drinks to discover anything else that I clearly remember. Ian and I did have a long politicoeconomic discussion about tariffs. I did object fiercely to chicken wings being very close to me, because Ian kept pawing my sleeve after eating said chicken wings, which could have been a problem because said sleeve was A) white and B) part of one of the few pieces of nice clothing that I own and drippy chicken wings + nice white jacket = :( At least for me.
Anyway, I have one political view, and my (class that I teach) students have another. They are very pro-nature.
I am very- well, I like nature, but in very limited doses. Nature is, for one thing, great for separating me from Other People. I have a fair amount of Nature around my house. I would have more were it possible.
Nature provides great backdrops for me to ride through in a car, or perhaps on a bus, and harass Suzanne (Didn’t We Almost Have it All) Wakefield to teach me to knit.
Nature has Frogs which you can threaten other law students with, and upset Mr. Peabody because you are harassing the frogs.
Nature is good for walking around in and looking at, provided that you got there in a climate controlled car and are going to your climate controlled home in a climate controlled car the same day to eat food that you bought at climate controlled Wal-Mart which was all nicely packaged for you and you don’t have to eat things like yamioc out of the dirt.
When I think of nature, it’s like, it’s nice to visit, but I wouldn’t want to live there, like- New York, or Paris. I think of Nature as- Scarlett grubbing the dirty turnip straight out of the ground and shouting “As God is my witness, I’ll never be hungry again!” So on the whole, I think it is a Good Thing that Man dominates Nature, particularly when the Actual Productive Acts of Dominating are Done by Other People, because Instead of Doing My Corporations Homework, I am Typing This Blog Entry, and You Can Get Away With That In Corporations Unless My Dad’s Angry Twin Calls On You But in Nature That is the Kind of Laziness that Leads to, oh, Say, the Dust Bowl.
Ok, I promise not to overcapitalise for the rest of this entry.
Granted, I think Man is particularly bad when he dominates nature by making it into boring things like baseball fields or football fields, places where a stunning amount of incredible boringness is contrived, even more than that on C-Span.
But Nature, outside the Box, is not so good, like it can make hurricanes! That want to kill you! Right?
In fact, generally, nature DOES want to kill you; trees, for example, could fall on you, if they were not stopped by the perhaps convenient medium of your house being between them and you, and I should know because this happened not too long ago.
Animals bite, trample, maul and devour and- wait, there goes that voice again. What’s that you say? O it’s the voice of my inner 13 year old girl, telling me a Pony would never do that.
Well little girl, let me tell you this: Ponies- grow up to be horses- and have you ever looked at the TEETH on a horse? Let me tell you- they could chomp the ever living crap out of you, horses just don’t think to do so. But they do kick, from what I understand. Anyway, I saw that movie about the man who went and messed with the bears until they ate him.
But another little voice says, but what about your personal experiences with nature? You don’t experience it, so how do you know?
Aha! I say, but I have! I have experienced it enough to realise:
Nature is ungrateful and stupid.
Sunday I was all like, I have to study! But it is nice outside! So I will sit outside and study.
This attracted the attention of a couple of solicitous yellow jackets. They developed a compelling interest in my feet.
I, sadly, failed to appreciate this interest. Interest by yellow jackets can frequently lead to unfortunate consequences for the interestee.
The solution to this would be go back inside, but I was not willing to do this and be defeated by Nature, so I thought of a compromise: I would come up with something that the yellow jackets could be interested in- indeed- benefit by- I would be generous- and leave my feet alone. Which were bare, mind you.
So I got some juice and put it in a tea light holder some small distance away. Did this lure the yellow jackets away from my unfruitful feet? (I had just taken a bath, so shut up. They did not smell like a dead opossum)
No it did not, stupid yellow jackets. There’s ungrateful and stupid for you: insects.
And how can you get more natural than insects? Dirt, by the way, is stupid and ungrateful also. And out of curiosity; how are yellow jackets sexed? Like most bees are not fertile but sterile female workers, and then there’s the queen, and then there are male drones to fertilise the queen, but have you ever heard of a queen wasp? Wait, I guess Teresa Heinz-Kerry would be kinda a Queen WASP. Hee.
Anyway, I like Nature, but you know, I am all aware of the fact that Nature does not always like us, it frequently involves elements of cold, damp, biting, stinging, that kind of thing.
There was some discussion of this in class, based on something we had read dealing with Nature and the need to control it or something. Nature when it is left alone is best or something along those Idiot Rousseauvian lines.
And I agree, pointed out one (the only actual, as far as I know) lady in the class.
This lady has the sort of appearance that- well, indicates a more than passing familiarity with straightening irons and moisturisers. Like, not going out for beaver buffet! Not the ballcap and sweats and faint mustache kind of “lady”. So I am thinking the lady and nature would, in reality, have more of an adversarial than cooperative relationship. She looks like she cannot go out of a 5 mile radius of an Elizabeth Arden. But she does work for TFA teaching 1st grade so she is pretty! And tough at the same time! I admire her.
But I point this out. Nature, I observe, is cold and damp and full of things that bite and sting.
So are we, she replied.
Although I do NOT invite you to personally verify this, I am NOT cold and damp! I tell lady. Nor do I bite or sting, unless you ask!
Really, people have complained that I got drunk and babbled, or – well, got drunk and ______ but no one to date has complained that I have ever been cold and damp.
All three of the class thought this was funny.
On leaving I made some offhand comment about “This is where the MAGIC happens.”
Another inappropriate comment! She said.
Y'all! Is that inappropriate? If “Magic” has some meaning I don’t know about, please let me know before I tell this to – ooo spose like, I said that to some professor, and he/she thought it was a come on? And then took me up on it? That would be bad. Imagine fending off the lustful advances of (irascible green elf professor) or (small angry bird professor) or (“interestingly” dressed professor) or (the professor who wore my suits). I could say, This is where the “magic” happens, and then wave a dead animal.
They can’t find that insulting, I daresay they would find fending off my advances equally horrid.
O and on a completely unrelated note: do y’all buy- like, the not actually Tupperware containers from Wal-Mart? In the big boxes that claim, 164 piece set only 19.99? Food Saver or whatever?
And what I want to know is, does that thing that take the other sock take half of the not-trademarked-as-Tupperware things? Like you always have a bunch of random lids, and then a bunch of random bowls. Perhaps other people (I know who you are) are more organised or whatever, but all I know, is; I pack my many course lunch in my not-trademarked-as-Tupperware containers, which start with both A lid and A bowl.
The Lid and The Bowl eventually get emptied and end up in the dishwasher. They get washed. They end up in a cabinet.
Then I do not know what happens. I think the Thing that takes the other sock and was stealing screwdrivers and scissors (and my engagement ring; I know where I put it and it is not there anymore, damn you) takes them. So then I clean out all the mismatched bits from under the cabinet and go buy another box.
But then have you noticed, like I bought a whole box of this stuff from IKEA? And like, half of the containers are exactly the size to hold, like, three olives, some toothpicks, or one baby carrot? Dudes! WTF are the Swedes eating that requires this sort of container?
Ya Sven, I packed yer lunch, orgy borgy.
du, Ilsa, orgy, did ja pack my borgy vun vienna sausage?
Ya Sven borgy borgy, I packed it, orgy, und I packed yer vun stick of celery
separate und tree olives und vun finger sandwich mit der herrings und lingonberry.
Yum!
posted by SavageATL at 1:47 PM
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