I am Really Not on Drugs

Ok! So I spent most of class Tuesday imagining that the professor was a large bat. Please also note that in my imagination, I made the bat talk like Margaret Cho's mommy. Please also note that A) I like this professor and he does not at all look like a bat or Margaret Cho's Mommy, and B) I am not on drugs.

Then I was having a conversation with "Robin," and was entertained by the fact that he apparently has a new racial stereotype, which is that "Koreans don't know that the smell of gas means danger." I think that's nearly as good, if unfortunately more complicated, than "Blacks are good with computers."

Y'all I either need desperately to - no, wait, first of all, I really need to smack these people who are having this inordinately inane conversation about "and then I sit in one place, and then I'm going to go home and sit, and then I sit some more, and then I sat across the room, and then I sat on one side of the Marta train, and then I sat on the other side of the marta train,"- and please note first they were talking about sports, specifically college football, so y'all know I am just all eaten up with loathing.

Inside, I am making that face that I make when I accidentally get pussy on myself.

-anyway, I desperately need to buy a ?Blackberry? Some kind of phone with an appointment book in it because I - cannot keep track of all the things that I am supposed to do and I am proving some theory maybe that time doesn't exist by just doing things when they occur to me and pretending that time exists so that I can rationally not perceive them all at once? But I just- well today I showed up for an appointment that I had gotten an email about two weeks early. So I think I will get a Samsung Finesse because it seems to have an appointment book in it. I will have to investigate further and then I will have to get insurance for it because it has all the touch screen and so forth? I'll probably never be able to actually work the thing.

MBT's? Check.


I was thinking about what would be my ideal law job- and it came to me all in a flash. What I would most like to do is corporate-style training seminars in which I give quick explanations of general legal principles important for companies/individuals who may not want to hire lawyers, but to staff to prevent the problem from getting to a legal problem. Like employment discrimination, employment law, harassment, etc for big corporations, train police departments on evidence and so forth.

Then I could also parlay this into marketing small firms/solo practitioners for groups like churches, neighbourhood associations and such so that I would email a church and say, I'd like to do a 90 min q and A on some issues affecting your community, and then come up with 45 min of FAQ and answers and then some preselected questions and answers. Then at the end I would provide referrals to local attorneys, and I would get paid to help with this. And I could get paid by the church to do wills etc. (but having kickbacks from the church to include them in a will sounds like a conflict of interest).

I could do seasonal seminars at churches about tax law in April, family law one part of the year, estate planning one part of the year, criminal law one part of the year, and then employment law? Senior law? Immigration law? one seminar targeted to that community.

So I think that would be a good idea.

What else has been happening?

Well we went to the Laser Show last weekend, which I thoroughly enjoyed. It was oddly moving. I was trying to get a "friend" to go, but no one will answer their phones, which is one of those stupid guy tricks I can live without.

I mean, I know it was good, because I had to wash my hair the next morning, ok? So answer your damn phone- not necessarily immediately but you know, within 48 hours?

In the future, I'm going to start being more honest with people. Not necessarily brutally honest, as in, your breath smells like cat food and your beard feels like a brillo pad and on a one to ten sexy scale I would rate you slightly above mulch but more like, you're a great person but I'm not really feeling it. I'm not going to make any more stupid excuses about it's not you it's me or ignore their calls until they give up.

Ooo but then the consequences of this might be I might turn into an asshole who makes duck faces.

Anyway- Moby Dick has not yet been repaired or dealt with properly, it is still at the dealer waiting for the insurance company to come. They are threatening to total it which would make me very unhappy; it's just a little bent.

And we went to Eno last night for Midtown restaurant week. It was very MTM and I'm going to start using her name as an adjective. As in, it was, even with the discounts, way pricey and way little food and mediocre.

You can, on purpose, eat Octopus with watermelon and lemon vinaigrette. I have to report this was not quite as revolting as it sounds- it didn't taste like- that- but it wasn't good either. Maybe bacon.

And y'all should know from previous posts, my food universe is not limited to meatloaf and potato buds and frozen veggies. My food universe is wide, but I do not like needing a dictionary to find out what I am eating. Please note that their menu featured "ramps" and I do not know what those are, except some kind of vegetable?

You could have oysters with pickled beets, a combination I had never previously considered, although I do love them individually.

You could order something called "glacier" lettuce, which I am thinking is an extreme kind of iceberg lettuce?

You could order a "rougie foie gras torchon, corn sorbet, corn madeleines, and blueberry," and I have no real idea what a torchon is despite a degree in French. (the Third Degree! Ha!)

You could order something which comes with "truffle-banyuls" sauce and "crispy fennel" which- what the hell is a banyul? They could be feeding us bat embryos and no one would know. And I don't care for fennel, crispy or otherwise.

I don't know what "guanciale" is either.

I don't know what "tobiko gremolata" is but that dish also included a "gently poached egg" as opposed to- the violently poached egg? The egg which had to be poached with whips and chains? The mind reels.

Another dish featured "singed black olives" and I can't really think of much which is improved by being singed.

I have no idea what "blackjack tomato emulsion" is.

"smoked potato" sounds like something an extremely desperate and inventive pothead might do.

Also they have to name all the places the meats came from, as in "Eden farms pork chop," "Painted Hills New York Strip," "back of the alley dumpster chicken breast," (kidding about the last one.) This just baffles me.

I drove Lady Thatcher. This impressed several people, including Alex's friend and He Who Does Not Return Phone Calls. We were listening to - 90.1 which was remarked upon by Alex' friend.

"That's so cool," he said, "in this car, listening to what we decided was Brahms."

Alex did not like that discussion. He Who Does Not Return Phone Calls and Alex' friend and I were all discussing who we thought the composer was of the music we were listening to. It was a violin ?concerto? and I thought it was 19th century and didn't have the repeated motifs that characterise Mozart, I said.

"There's too much culture in this car," Alex said. Also he tried to make fun of me when I said he was "hoisted by his own petard."

Also once I got to the restaurant I was so - well you know- that I forgot to put her in Park and she tried to escape. The valet jumped in and stopped her.