The Bugs! The Bugs!
Y'all, we are suffering a serious infestation of roaches, it's like a biblical plague, except for A) despite my best efforts, I am not Pharaoh; and B) I am not keeping some Jews enslaved (again, despite my best efforts) Although I really think that was one of the mistakes of the ancient Egyptians, going and enslaving Jews; then I see modern day Jews- and they seem to think manual labour is called that 'cos it's done by Manuel. . . The Egyptians must have had some really motivating management books to make Jews do heavy labour.
Who moved my 20-ton block of stone?
or Getting to Yes! Whip less, cheer more.
The seven habits of highly effective slaves.
!Like y'all read this thinking I'm going to be politically correct! So don't be all shocked.
But back to the roaches. The roaches, like the poor, have always been with us, it's just that they're now EVERYWHERE, and in EVERYTHING- and I'm fairly tolerant? Because I READ Silent Spring, so I'm more afraid of the poison than I am of the roaches? It's like when I cook, all the roaches come out and wave their feelers at me in greeting, like in War of The Worlds. "We come in peace," they tell me.
Then I squash them and feed them to the fish.
I did try spraying them; the roaches laugh at this in the same way '50's movie monsters shrug off bullets and such; they have adapted the Nietzschien attitude, 'what doesn't kill me makes me stronger' and the only thing that is effective thus far has been squashing them and feeding them to the fish. This is actually nice because during my breaks from my law studies, I can go play Whack-a-Roach.
I think the roaches could be trying to be my friends; I am not sure how I am to feel about this. On the one hand, no one comes to visit me anymore, so I dont' have to be concerned about anyone being offended or being driven off; I could be like the Crazy Cat Lady, but with roaches, and I could train them and command them. Seriously- when we were going to move, I was going to pack up all the spiders and take them with us to our next house. Then again, that is REALLY weird.
Perhaps the problem here is more of a perception thing. People like lady bugs, right? They're all cute and whatever, and they're basically the same thing, beetles, except prettier-
So the solution could be to paint the roaches with nail varnish so that we have brightly coloured bugs everywhere, and that would drive the alcoholics I know straight out of their minds-
Or we need a campaign to rehabilitate roaches. Ants and bees are generally admired for their industry; Why are roaches not considered industrious? They seem at least as hard working as ants, and they might be peaceful, which ants are decidedly not-
We need to also come up with a better name than 'cockroaches,' I think that some people call them "water bugs," or "palmetto bugs," so we need to make this more widespread. And come up with some good Reader's Digest Very Special articles to rehabilitate them, like:
Palmetto Bugs: Nature's way of cleaning in places where even your undocumented Guatemalan maid, Esmerelda, does not clean.
Palmetto Bugs: The first step in Nature's Renewal process.
Palmetto Bugs: Tasty, Nutritious, and Cheap! (o and you are all like, EEEWWWW, right? Well, did you ever foresee the day when ordinary people pay good money for what comes out of the tap for basically free? or there were 15 different kinds of salt in the grocery store, and they cost more than steak per pound? Or that Bon Appetit would announce that "beef cheeks" are a delicacy and we should go buy them and cook them?)
Palmetto Bugs: Your cat eats them; you should too.
Palmetto Bugs: How nature recycles, only not controlled by the mob.
Now see, there's another good idea. What we should do is develop some sort of mutant-mob type Grasshopper, like in A Bug's Life, and then when they see a roach, they fit it with little concrete boots and drop it in the aquarium. Or Communist Grasshoppers, with the same methodologies. I guess I could put up with pictures of Che Grasshopper everywhere.
I could http://www.boston.com/news/globe/ideas/articles/2007/09/09/lawyer_for_the_dog/? page=full sue the bugs- if you see the article, there's apparently precedent for that, but then again, I'm just a 1L, and you know that among the roaches, there will be some powerful lawyers-
Or shouldn't there be some sort of crack for bugs? You know, they get hooked, eat too much of it, all their teeth fall out and they wear skimpy outfits and accost strangers? No, that would be bad, nothing reproduces faster than a crack whore-
I could give them tiny guns and encourage them to shoot each other-.
I dunno. What we will do is bomb the house, and then after that I am waiting (not really) for y'all to come up with some good ideas.
Who moved my 20-ton block of stone?
or Getting to Yes! Whip less, cheer more.
The seven habits of highly effective slaves.
!Like y'all read this thinking I'm going to be politically correct! So don't be all shocked.
But back to the roaches. The roaches, like the poor, have always been with us, it's just that they're now EVERYWHERE, and in EVERYTHING- and I'm fairly tolerant? Because I READ Silent Spring, so I'm more afraid of the poison than I am of the roaches? It's like when I cook, all the roaches come out and wave their feelers at me in greeting, like in War of The Worlds. "We come in peace," they tell me.
Then I squash them and feed them to the fish.
I did try spraying them; the roaches laugh at this in the same way '50's movie monsters shrug off bullets and such; they have adapted the Nietzschien attitude, 'what doesn't kill me makes me stronger' and the only thing that is effective thus far has been squashing them and feeding them to the fish. This is actually nice because during my breaks from my law studies, I can go play Whack-a-Roach.
I think the roaches could be trying to be my friends; I am not sure how I am to feel about this. On the one hand, no one comes to visit me anymore, so I dont' have to be concerned about anyone being offended or being driven off; I could be like the Crazy Cat Lady, but with roaches, and I could train them and command them. Seriously- when we were going to move, I was going to pack up all the spiders and take them with us to our next house. Then again, that is REALLY weird.
Perhaps the problem here is more of a perception thing. People like lady bugs, right? They're all cute and whatever, and they're basically the same thing, beetles, except prettier-
So the solution could be to paint the roaches with nail varnish so that we have brightly coloured bugs everywhere, and that would drive the alcoholics I know straight out of their minds-
Or we need a campaign to rehabilitate roaches. Ants and bees are generally admired for their industry; Why are roaches not considered industrious? They seem at least as hard working as ants, and they might be peaceful, which ants are decidedly not-
We need to also come up with a better name than 'cockroaches,' I think that some people call them "water bugs," or "palmetto bugs," so we need to make this more widespread. And come up with some good Reader's Digest Very Special articles to rehabilitate them, like:
Palmetto Bugs: Nature's way of cleaning in places where even your undocumented Guatemalan maid, Esmerelda, does not clean.
Palmetto Bugs: The first step in Nature's Renewal process.
Palmetto Bugs: Tasty, Nutritious, and Cheap! (o and you are all like, EEEWWWW, right? Well, did you ever foresee the day when ordinary people pay good money for what comes out of the tap for basically free? or there were 15 different kinds of salt in the grocery store, and they cost more than steak per pound? Or that Bon Appetit would announce that "beef cheeks" are a delicacy and we should go buy them and cook them?)
Palmetto Bugs: Your cat eats them; you should too.
Palmetto Bugs: How nature recycles, only not controlled by the mob.
Now see, there's another good idea. What we should do is develop some sort of mutant-mob type Grasshopper, like in A Bug's Life, and then when they see a roach, they fit it with little concrete boots and drop it in the aquarium. Or Communist Grasshoppers, with the same methodologies. I guess I could put up with pictures of Che Grasshopper everywhere.
I could http://www.boston.com/news/globe/ideas/articles/2007/09/09/lawyer_for_the_dog/? page=full sue the bugs- if you see the article, there's apparently precedent for that, but then again, I'm just a 1L, and you know that among the roaches, there will be some powerful lawyers-
Or shouldn't there be some sort of crack for bugs? You know, they get hooked, eat too much of it, all their teeth fall out and they wear skimpy outfits and accost strangers? No, that would be bad, nothing reproduces faster than a crack whore-
I could give them tiny guns and encourage them to shoot each other-.
I dunno. What we will do is bomb the house, and then after that I am waiting (not really) for y'all to come up with some good ideas.
posted by SavageATL at 10:57 AM
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