And Now, the Weather Report from Wrongland, Brought to you by Alex.
So Alex and I have been having some variety of Interesting discussions recently. Since we do not think he is actually retarded, the next best explanation is that he has a cable subscription to Wrongland satellite TV and has been getting his news and information directly from there.
Saturday I was driving between Saniel's house and (somewhere else) after having been to Macy's- with Sandi, who now says she does not want to go shopping with me for a whole nother year- because I did buy a lot- and all of a sudden I see: The Unmistakable Dismobile! So I ring Alex to see where he is going. He is very surprised. I then meet up with Amber and him at Manuel's.
I make sure I show Amber and him the outfit I purchased at Hot Topic for Robin. AAAAGH, he says, what I have seen cannot be unseen! AAAGH!
I promise to send him a picture text of this from Robin's phone. (ha ha, someday when he least expects it- he will open his phone and then aaah aaah aaah!)
Also Amber has apparently gotten him to speak with punctuation, which is an improvement. Although he continues to mumble.
This day Alex is wearing long johns on the outside of his clothing. I do not know why. I criticise this. "The underwear on the outside look? did not work for Madonna and it is definitely not working for you," I point out.
Alex disagrees. He still thinks it's 1993 and he should dress up like Kurt Cobain.
Then he declares his intention to wear flannels and overalls.
Great, our parents are going to be thrilled: I dress like a twink whore and Alex is going to dress like a pig farmer.
Alex claims that many people covet the Dismobile and frequently offer to buy it, "you're just never there when this happens." But by his own testimony, the people who want to buy it are Bob-Marley High and, as I observe, do not have the wherewithal to actually consummate the purchase, (or probably much else).
Alex objects to my use of the word Wherewithal.
Why do you have to use all those big lawyer words? he asks.
Sigh. Just because YOU don't know about something, I point out, doesn't mean that it doesn't exist or that other people don't know about it.
That is just one dimension of wrong! Here are some more dimensions of wrong he has been living in recently.
Alex is registered to vote in this election, which is- sort of good? And he is intending to vote for Bob Barr. Fine, I say. But this is a problem because he vehemently disagrees with Ayn Rand in his further attempts to Be as Unlike Me as Possible.
Mind you, we do not think he knows exactly what Ayn Rand thinks, but he does not like her because of above reason.
Now, you can't dislike Ayn Rand and also be a Libertarian. Ok? We all know this.
Alex disagrees. Now he's just making up beliefs for his candidate. "Like you can be an existentialist and not like Camus," he says.
For once, he has me there; I am sadly the French major and have never read any of Camus. So I can't disagree with him, because that is a subject I know nothing about.
Dad is present for this argument. For once, he says, (We object to this) I agree with Cruella, you can't like Bob Barr and not like Ayn Rand.
But Dad thinks that Libertarianism is going too far; I like that the meat and so forth is inspected, he says, they used to put all kinds of terrible things in it before USDA inspections.
I point out that the inspections haven't been going all that well so far. They've been letting in all that food with melamine!
But Alex does not believe in melamine. "I don't believe you," he insists. "I never heard of melamine."
Just because you haven't heard of it doesn't mean it's not true, I say. I go on to explain what melamine is.
"So what's wrong with that," he asks, "people eat coal."
Dude? WTF!? No, they don't.
They eat charcoal, he insists, like if you get poisoned, you eat coal.
No, I say, charcoal is to make you puke after you get poisoned, and coal is different from charcoal. I explain how charcoal is made. Alex insists that charcoal is made out of coal.
Now my LSAT class all wants to meet him because they have been hearing about him and want to see what he is like, (and is he deserving of my attempts to Intentionally Inflict Emotional Distress on him) so they wanted him to come to Los Loros tomorrow night after class for Margaritas.
heh he said, i dont know
O? I said, Why? All three of them are very anxious to meet you.
well he said, i might go do hot yoga tomorrow
Why? I asked, What is hot yoga, isn't yoga like, stretching?
hot yoga is like, and he started giggling- where they heat up the room to like 90 degrees- chortle- and then you do yoga.
I do not entirely understand yoga but I do know that MTM does it, so I do not think I want to, and also I think it is one of those liberal-hippie type things to do.
Why would you want to do that? I asked. Can't you just take the seats out of the minivan and park it in the sun in July and do yoga?
well he says, chortling, I heard it makes you sick so i want to see if im going to get sick doing it. dont you ever try to do something to see if it will make you sick?
Um, no. And as y'all know, one of my lifetime goals has been to persuade someone to eat an entire quart jar of mayonnaise. Thus far, (probably because I want him to do it) he has refused to do it. I still think this would be a life changing event, like you know how Ian begins all his sentences with, "when I was in Thailand?" You could begin all your sentences with, "When I ate the entire jar of mayonnaise, Before I ate the entire jar of mayonnaise, and After I ate the entire jar of mayonnaise." And he did drink the entire pint of Texas Pete, so why not? I demand an answer.
Sigh. I do not know what is wrong with him but I disclaim all responsibility.
He did go with me to pick out a Halloween costume (Robin and I are going to be a football player and cheerleader, sort of a la King and Queen? Don't dread this.) I I did not see anything sufficient. I almost got him to help me pick the sluttiest outfit. Anyway if you are reading this, you can come to my party! Just ask me.
Saturday I was driving between Saniel's house and (somewhere else) after having been to Macy's- with Sandi, who now says she does not want to go shopping with me for a whole nother year- because I did buy a lot- and all of a sudden I see: The Unmistakable Dismobile! So I ring Alex to see where he is going. He is very surprised. I then meet up with Amber and him at Manuel's.
I make sure I show Amber and him the outfit I purchased at Hot Topic for Robin. AAAAGH, he says, what I have seen cannot be unseen! AAAGH!
I promise to send him a picture text of this from Robin's phone. (ha ha, someday when he least expects it- he will open his phone and then aaah aaah aaah!)
Also Amber has apparently gotten him to speak with punctuation, which is an improvement. Although he continues to mumble.
This day Alex is wearing long johns on the outside of his clothing. I do not know why. I criticise this. "The underwear on the outside look? did not work for Madonna and it is definitely not working for you," I point out.
Alex disagrees. He still thinks it's 1993 and he should dress up like Kurt Cobain.
Then he declares his intention to wear flannels and overalls.
Great, our parents are going to be thrilled: I dress like a twink whore and Alex is going to dress like a pig farmer.
Alex claims that many people covet the Dismobile and frequently offer to buy it, "you're just never there when this happens." But by his own testimony, the people who want to buy it are Bob-Marley High and, as I observe, do not have the wherewithal to actually consummate the purchase, (or probably much else).
Alex objects to my use of the word Wherewithal.
Why do you have to use all those big lawyer words? he asks.
Sigh. Just because YOU don't know about something, I point out, doesn't mean that it doesn't exist or that other people don't know about it.
That is just one dimension of wrong! Here are some more dimensions of wrong he has been living in recently.
Alex is registered to vote in this election, which is- sort of good? And he is intending to vote for Bob Barr. Fine, I say. But this is a problem because he vehemently disagrees with Ayn Rand in his further attempts to Be as Unlike Me as Possible.
Mind you, we do not think he knows exactly what Ayn Rand thinks, but he does not like her because of above reason.
Now, you can't dislike Ayn Rand and also be a Libertarian. Ok? We all know this.
Alex disagrees. Now he's just making up beliefs for his candidate. "Like you can be an existentialist and not like Camus," he says.
For once, he has me there; I am sadly the French major and have never read any of Camus. So I can't disagree with him, because that is a subject I know nothing about.
Dad is present for this argument. For once, he says, (We object to this) I agree with Cruella, you can't like Bob Barr and not like Ayn Rand.
But Dad thinks that Libertarianism is going too far; I like that the meat and so forth is inspected, he says, they used to put all kinds of terrible things in it before USDA inspections.
I point out that the inspections haven't been going all that well so far. They've been letting in all that food with melamine!
But Alex does not believe in melamine. "I don't believe you," he insists. "I never heard of melamine."
Just because you haven't heard of it doesn't mean it's not true, I say. I go on to explain what melamine is.
"So what's wrong with that," he asks, "people eat coal."
Dude? WTF!? No, they don't.
They eat charcoal, he insists, like if you get poisoned, you eat coal.
No, I say, charcoal is to make you puke after you get poisoned, and coal is different from charcoal. I explain how charcoal is made. Alex insists that charcoal is made out of coal.
Now my LSAT class all wants to meet him because they have been hearing about him and want to see what he is like, (and is he deserving of my attempts to Intentionally Inflict Emotional Distress on him) so they wanted him to come to Los Loros tomorrow night after class for Margaritas.
heh he said, i dont know
O? I said, Why? All three of them are very anxious to meet you.
well he said, i might go do hot yoga tomorrow
Why? I asked, What is hot yoga, isn't yoga like, stretching?
hot yoga is like, and he started giggling- where they heat up the room to like 90 degrees- chortle- and then you do yoga.
I do not entirely understand yoga but I do know that MTM does it, so I do not think I want to, and also I think it is one of those liberal-hippie type things to do.
Why would you want to do that? I asked. Can't you just take the seats out of the minivan and park it in the sun in July and do yoga?
well he says, chortling, I heard it makes you sick so i want to see if im going to get sick doing it. dont you ever try to do something to see if it will make you sick?
Um, no. And as y'all know, one of my lifetime goals has been to persuade someone to eat an entire quart jar of mayonnaise. Thus far, (probably because I want him to do it) he has refused to do it. I still think this would be a life changing event, like you know how Ian begins all his sentences with, "when I was in Thailand?" You could begin all your sentences with, "When I ate the entire jar of mayonnaise, Before I ate the entire jar of mayonnaise, and After I ate the entire jar of mayonnaise." And he did drink the entire pint of Texas Pete, so why not? I demand an answer.
Sigh. I do not know what is wrong with him but I disclaim all responsibility.
He did go with me to pick out a Halloween costume (Robin and I are going to be a football player and cheerleader, sort of a la King and Queen? Don't dread this.) I I did not see anything sufficient. I almost got him to help me pick the sluttiest outfit. Anyway if you are reading this, you can come to my party! Just ask me.
posted by SavageATL at 12:52 PM
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