Ironies
Y'all I had some fun ironies to share with y'all out of my email. Such as:
Kaplan Eenglish teacher needed,
and the invitation from Georgia State to attend the president's Investiture ceremony coupled with the announcement there will be no parking that day- so wait, how am I supposed to come then? How exactly is it an invitation, if there isn't going to be parking?
Y'all know I'm too pretty to ride Marta, and I smell too nice.
Anyhow, message to all the people who are chirpy and productive, and all like, ooo, I had a productive weekend and finished all five of my outlines: I hate you. I REALLY hate you. I HATE HATE HATE HATE you.
And I am STILL battling that stupid insurance company about the Cadillac. I just want it fixed. Now it is visiting the Grouchy African, who has NOT yet given me an estimate.
Then the office that I work at had a long weekend, and I am busy imagining what my supervisor did this weekend. I am thinking, he had a road trip with his college buddies and they went to Charleston for a pie-eating contest. No, I am actually thinking of things involving stupendous quantities of feathers. Like a carful of feathers, at least, and a party bus and corn syrup.
Y'all just don't believe how stressed out I have been, but I have been so stressed I haven't had time or energy to think up new plots to Intentionally Inflict Emotional Distress on Alex. Now you know things are bad when I don't have any interest in tormenting him. Even though he is going to Portsmouth and so that would be a perfect opportunity.
I guess he still hasn't found those (things that I put in his house), or maybe he just hasn't noticed? He didn't mention them - - -
Now y'all also know that Alex is looking for a job, and so he finally had to go suit shopping. Y'all will notice also that Alex has been dressing- well, sort of better, for the most part, he still makes some odd choices (yah Cruella! Like you're one to talk about odd choices!) No, I mean the kind of odd choices that it's hard to see exactly who they would be attractive on. Alex I think is very much in touch with his Inner Lesbian, and by that I mean the kind of Lesbian who looks like Construction Equipment. You know the kind when you go to their house you expect to see framed family pictures of backhoes and tractors.
To hear him tell the story, you would think I dragged him all over Atlanta for like 18 days comparison shopping something pointless like shower curtain hooks or something.
No. We went to a K & G, the one off of 78, (right next to the BEST FABRIC STORE EVER) Alex noisily refused to visit the Fabric Store. He thinks fabric stores are boring, but is going to South Carolina this weekend to sit in the rain and watch two teams he's never heard of play American football. Thus far I have not done anything sufficiently bad this year to justify this kind of punishment. Not even "Robin" would think I have been THAT bad.
But these were suits for HIM, so you would think he would have a stake in the matter. and I wanted him to get good value for his money. K & G had a special, 2 for 150, but we (I) didn't like their selection and didn't want him to pay $130 for one suit, so I made him go to another K & G. Also apparently Amber was concerned that I might recommend he purchase some sort of suit made out of purple fur.
No, I would wear a suit made out of purple fur, at least I would think about it, but I wouldn't insist that he buy one.
Don't you want to look nice, I asked him? This took Alex more thought than one would expect.
I hope that he does not wear shoes that Ma found in the garbage with this suit.
I'm also thinking that he will have to counteract this by actually buying the pig-farmer overalls and wearing them. I have some mixed feelings about this.
I did torment him a little by telling him I had to wash my hair Thursday night.
At first he didn't realise why I was telling him this. Did you get something in it? He asked, and then he realised what he said, and he complained bitterly, Aaagh, why did you tell me this, he said.
Now you know what? I have a good idea, which is, why don't I make homework into a sex game? Every time I learn a code section, I can lick (person)'s nipples, or something. Maybe, for business tax, as I'm reading the code, pick out key words and concepts. If it's a nonrecognition section, nibble ears. If the Code mentions gain, lick the right nipple, if it mentions loss, lick the left nipple. If the Code mentions transfer of property, tongue kiss.
Etc.
You could also make it a drinking game, or if you are a serious alcoholic, make Wills Trusts and Estates a drinking game where every time the UPC mentions "testator" you do a shot.
Kaplan Eenglish teacher needed,
and the invitation from Georgia State to attend the president's Investiture ceremony coupled with the announcement there will be no parking that day- so wait, how am I supposed to come then? How exactly is it an invitation, if there isn't going to be parking?
Y'all know I'm too pretty to ride Marta, and I smell too nice.
Anyhow, message to all the people who are chirpy and productive, and all like, ooo, I had a productive weekend and finished all five of my outlines: I hate you. I REALLY hate you. I HATE HATE HATE HATE you.
And I am STILL battling that stupid insurance company about the Cadillac. I just want it fixed. Now it is visiting the Grouchy African, who has NOT yet given me an estimate.
Then the office that I work at had a long weekend, and I am busy imagining what my supervisor did this weekend. I am thinking, he had a road trip with his college buddies and they went to Charleston for a pie-eating contest. No, I am actually thinking of things involving stupendous quantities of feathers. Like a carful of feathers, at least, and a party bus and corn syrup.
Y'all just don't believe how stressed out I have been, but I have been so stressed I haven't had time or energy to think up new plots to Intentionally Inflict Emotional Distress on Alex. Now you know things are bad when I don't have any interest in tormenting him. Even though he is going to Portsmouth and so that would be a perfect opportunity.
I guess he still hasn't found those (things that I put in his house), or maybe he just hasn't noticed? He didn't mention them - - -
Now y'all also know that Alex is looking for a job, and so he finally had to go suit shopping. Y'all will notice also that Alex has been dressing- well, sort of better, for the most part, he still makes some odd choices (yah Cruella! Like you're one to talk about odd choices!) No, I mean the kind of odd choices that it's hard to see exactly who they would be attractive on. Alex I think is very much in touch with his Inner Lesbian, and by that I mean the kind of Lesbian who looks like Construction Equipment. You know the kind when you go to their house you expect to see framed family pictures of backhoes and tractors.
To hear him tell the story, you would think I dragged him all over Atlanta for like 18 days comparison shopping something pointless like shower curtain hooks or something.
No. We went to a K & G, the one off of 78, (right next to the BEST FABRIC STORE EVER) Alex noisily refused to visit the Fabric Store. He thinks fabric stores are boring, but is going to South Carolina this weekend to sit in the rain and watch two teams he's never heard of play American football. Thus far I have not done anything sufficiently bad this year to justify this kind of punishment. Not even "Robin" would think I have been THAT bad.
But these were suits for HIM, so you would think he would have a stake in the matter. and I wanted him to get good value for his money. K & G had a special, 2 for 150, but we (I) didn't like their selection and didn't want him to pay $130 for one suit, so I made him go to another K & G. Also apparently Amber was concerned that I might recommend he purchase some sort of suit made out of purple fur.
No, I would wear a suit made out of purple fur, at least I would think about it, but I wouldn't insist that he buy one.
Don't you want to look nice, I asked him? This took Alex more thought than one would expect.
I hope that he does not wear shoes that Ma found in the garbage with this suit.
I'm also thinking that he will have to counteract this by actually buying the pig-farmer overalls and wearing them. I have some mixed feelings about this.
I did torment him a little by telling him I had to wash my hair Thursday night.
At first he didn't realise why I was telling him this. Did you get something in it? He asked, and then he realised what he said, and he complained bitterly, Aaagh, why did you tell me this, he said.
Now you know what? I have a good idea, which is, why don't I make homework into a sex game? Every time I learn a code section, I can lick (person)'s nipples, or something. Maybe, for business tax, as I'm reading the code, pick out key words and concepts. If it's a nonrecognition section, nibble ears. If the Code mentions gain, lick the right nipple, if it mentions loss, lick the left nipple. If the Code mentions transfer of property, tongue kiss.
Etc.
You could also make it a drinking game, or if you are a serious alcoholic, make Wills Trusts and Estates a drinking game where every time the UPC mentions "testator" you do a shot.
posted by SavageATL at 11:24 AM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home