Why Don't You Go Date Some Nice White Guy?

Well, Sandi asked me this - the other day, at the most recent. Alex rather implied it.

Well, I didn't say I wouldn't, ok? But around my age, the white guys I tend to attract are gross. As in Simpsons comic-book guy looking. They are all huge with ugly spectacles and beards.

One dude hit on me a couple of weeks ago who weighed 340 lbs and had: A FIFTY-SIX INCH WAIST. Seriously. ONE MORE TIME: A FIFTY-SIX INCH WAIST.

Now I am willing to compromise but honestly, I have standards. Shut up, Sandi & Alex.

Also there's the whole- like last night. have you heard the expression, swatting a fly with a sledgehammer? This was like swatting a fly with a toothpick. Ima have to put up a sign, you must be at least this big to ride this ride. I don't like [that one thing] because then you have to look them in the face, and I never know what face to make. I apparently don't watch enough porn. Ask me for a demonstration of the faces I DO make. It is kinda sad.

I'm not being slutty, I'm PRACTICING. I am never going to achieve Excellence without Hard Work, or working on something Hard.

And do y'all remember how the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints used to put out public service announcements, like don't cheat in school? We need some, like:

If you want me to lick it, then get rid of the hair on/around it. It's gross. I am not a cat.
and:
Stop smelling musty next to me in class. Try to smell more Hispanic. They always smell nice and clean like soap
and
There is no such thing as a little patchouli. The stuff stinks. Stop it.

I thought I would entertain y'all with a Match the Professor with Halloween Candy giving out style- quiz. Fill in the blanks, and you might win a prize! (hee)

______________: Not so much the manner, as the types of candies: "Hello Kitty," "Eager Beaver," "Bug in a Rug."

_______________: demands children prove they are who they are costumed to be, and asks them, if you were, for example, carrying a dagger instead of a cutlass, would you still be a pirate?

______________: points out that when she lived on a farm in Buffalo, they had horehound candies which they did NOT buy on credit.

_______________: makes children point to section of Tax Code allowing a corporation to distribute assets without recognition of gain to recipients. Demands that they characterise whether it's a dividend or not and adjust basis accordingly. Then turns into a bat.

________________: makes them watch videos about model trick-or-treating, write an essay, and then gives them sticky mints picked up from the Burge luncheon.

________________: Frightens children with accent via voice synthesiser stuck on shop demonstration.

________________: frightens children with clothes of the zombie look.

________________: dresses like a small-time bigot pig farmer in response to trick or treaters.

________________: mumbles to self about whether the U.S. Supreme Court could have decided this is constitutionally protected under Freedom of Religion.

________________: demands of trespassers if they are invitee or licensee, then eats all the candy, saying, "No, no, I don't think so, you can't have any, that was not the right answer. mmm! It's tortlicious."

________________: only gives "candy" to the older teenagers with no costumes. Wears transparent dresses to answer the door. Guess what's the "treat."