Sir, Is Your Crotch Squirming, or Are You Just Happy To See Me?

Y'all, this is totally why I went to law school. To defend this guy.

I am SO fascinated by this; actually, I am fascinated by anyone committing some weird crime with an animal, like the guy who was convicted of horse buggery- and apparently, after he buggered the horse, they lay down together.

But this guy! Aren't you wondering how they caught him? Wouldn't you love to be the person who said, sir, your crotch is squirming?

And - wouldn't the geckos/lizards be rather the worse for wear after traveling from Australia to Germany in someone's underwear?

How big did this pocket have to be to fit 44 geckos and lizards?

And can you imagine being the person in charge of counting the things? after retrieving them, and they would smell-

Vun Gecko! Two Geckos! Tree Geckos! ha ha ha!

And these geckos are $2,800 each? Really? That's more than all the furniture in my house is worth and probably more than all of my personal belongings. I didn't know geckos were such a lucrative business.

He "set about poaching the animals in a premeditated way which would have had an effect on the colonies." Like- what? Geckos/lizards have colonies? Is there a non-premeditated way to poach geckos and stuff them in your trousers?

He apparently may collect the things but seems to have been charged with the Australian equivalent of "Possession of Geckos with intent to distribute."