Sunday, March 23, 2008

Back From the Grave

So what happened Easter weekend?

Well, I had a lot of homework to complete, but did not get enough of it done- Friday I was supposed to have lunch with Toni but she canceled so I applied for some externships instead. I have heard 1st semester 2nd year is very similar to this term in terms of sheer awfulness but then again, nothing can beat RWA so maybe not. I guess I want to do this.
Then Friday I went to MTM's house for dinner and - that was all right. Not being satisfied with one married chap she has turned her attentions to another married chap who claims that he only got married to stay in the country- but he's been married 20 odd years. I don't think MTM is getting the whole- men-will-lie-through-their-teeth-to-get-you-into-bed concept. There are some nice single guys who like her, but does she like them? Not much, she is after the married ones and is complaining about Married guy #1, well, he doesn't care about me.

No that is honestly not the problem. The real problem is that divorce is hell for men, financially and otherwise and there just are no real good endings for affairs with married guys. The options are A) he gets a divorce and leaves his wife or B) he doesn't get a divorce. If he does get a divorce, it's going to be hideously expensive, and as he is prominent in our area and his wife is prominent in our little burg, for decades hence people are going to point at MTM and say there goes that ho who broke them up. He's going to end up in a financial hole that he will never be able to dig his way out of. When I have high school students, most of their parents are divorced and I frequently visit the mom's house one week and the dad's house the next, who always has the much bigger and fancier house? Uh huh. And you don't want to be never again able to frequent your hangouts and become Jezebel.

The other option is that he not divorce his wife and continue stringing you along and - for obvious reasons that is a bad thing. But MTM continues to insist that this is some sort of character defect in him rather than just a bad situation for both of them and one that's left behind as soon as possible.

I know I would never go round with a married guy and be the "other woman." There's just no good thing coming out of this.

Anyway, what have I been doing? Friday I - yeah, that guy.
Saturday I was sposta but didn't
Sunday I wanted to go to church but didn't have a chance and then Trey came for Easter, which turned out to be a fiasco. He went out of his way to hurt my feelings by talking to the neighbours and then he told me that before we broke up he was trying to hurt my feelings by sleeping with someone here and getting caught in the act- and I got mad. Now I am feeling sad. I don't think it's right for someone to come back from essentially the grave and try to hurt my feelings. (I respect and love Trey except I love him somewhere else, as far away as possible. Not here.

I dunno, I do want to get to know someone better if they are reasonably good looking and good in bed. Notice I said, Reasonably. They do not have to be as cute as Trey, but they have to be- reasonably attractive, as in, not fat and they cannot have a squooshed up face or make duck faces at me, or be bald, unless they are black. Would a reasonable person in similar circumstances (meaning, have I drunk an entire liter of gin yet; not always) find them attractive? And they have to be good in bed, and then I will get to know them!
See, let me ‘splain. I bought tickets to see Avenue Q originally intending to go on a date with someone. So far, I have not encountered anyone I want to waste a $43 ticket on, because ok, one guy I like, but just as a FRIEND and we almost had that conversation yesterday because he was talking about he wasn’t into shopping around and alarm bells started going off for me. Right now, I am totally into shopping around after a lengthy relationship and eventually I will find the right person and stop, but I have made the mistake before of compromising too early. I don’t want to encourage him further by inviting him to a fairly intimate thing, and then I’m not going to talk to someone online and spend $43 and this ticket on them without having seen are they fat or not yet, and are they dating material. someone I don’t care that deeply about. Instead, I will use it for someone whom I do care deeply about.
My brother.
(aww, isn’t that special? yes it is. ) Women place great importance on the whole getting to know you thing, but guys know: we don’t really care what your ideas and innermost feelings are because when you start going off on some tangent about how some heartwrenching tragedy, like how when you were 5 your sister killed your goldfish by trying to make it evolve and walk on land- we think, A) Is this something that requires me to take action RIGHT NOW? B) No, s/he’s just yapping, I can go back to thinking about what I am going to eat for dinner. I am aware that people have feelings and all, but I prefer to have them addressed directly, like I AM FEELING THIS WAY. YOU DO THIS. What we do care about is, do you look good enough that we can deal with incessant yapping about something pointless, and are you good enough in bed that we can deal with your being angry when you got mad because we were thinking about car porn while you were yapping about something pointless.
Anyway, to answer y’all’s questions, yes I would and will go on “conventional” dates but that would be an awful lot like hanging around MTM, after I see if someone’s worth spending $ to go see, then I will, yes? And you see the two-prong test (hee, two prong test) I use. I agree that it probably would be a bad thing if I were having just empty, meaningless sex – for one thing, I am sure I will probably get sick of it, and for another thing, it’s not supposed to be empty and meaningless, it’s supposed to lead somewhere. Which eventually it will, and besides, I don’t see y’all hooking me up with anyone! Hello! And if you do, do not hook me up with any fat people, or pasty computer geeky types, ok? I think I have made that very clear.
Anyway this should just not be this hard because I am not fat, and I am not desparate and I am not high strung and drama oriented. Like the last time I spent the night at Patchouli Boy’s house, I was very careful to put my shoes together and line them up JUST SO. But I did throw my socks on the floor, so perhaps that is why he was so irked. I would really like to go to Trackside and see the immensely fat girl from my class who is from up North and hates the south and goes to Agnes Scott sing karaoke on Thursday but I do not think that is going to happen. I emailed Jical- I think I might havta do more follow up with the guys I’ve already got. The problem here is that I gots NEEDS dammit. It is hard for me to concentrate unless I gets me some of that vitamins c and D on a regular basis. Scott is really Nice but, I am so not attracted to him. So the solution would be to put Scott’s brain into Trey’s body. I don’t know what we would do with Trey’s brain. Transplant it into a dog maybe.
Y’all I don’t believe in Evolution, because if Evolution were true we woulda come up with something better than – by now.
And people are getting fatter! I’m going to start counting the number of really fat people I see everyday. God, if this law school thing does not work out, I want to open a boutique for really gigantic brides. I will call it “The Wide Bride” of course. I might have to move somewhere like Missouri, there seemed to be a lot of fat people in Missouri from what I recall from my layover there.

I am sorry that I have not been funny recently, but you know what has been happening. O Mitch came and got the other car to run yesterday so now it's on to the next thing that it needs, which looks like a whole nother exhaust system,
My brain has totally shut down. Let's make a list of things that need to be done today.
Add white car to ins.
Find out about exhaust/muffler; get that done get it emissioned and tagged.
Put more tranny fluid in it.
Pay Cindy Perry, negotiate payments.
Property, Crim law, Contracts, Torts, Civ Pro. (CALI, E & E, hypos)
Call Sharon.
Fri, don't forget Kaplan thing, we have to add $ to our parking thing at some point.
Sat: Citizenship drive, evening party, Sun, Ball, fetch lawnmower and mow lawn at some point. (Sat)

Thursday, March 06, 2008

Spring Break

Well, of course everyone wants to know what I did on my spring break. They have been asking me! in my comments! And threatening to go elsewhere! I rather think it is just because they want me to spend all my time blogging and not do my homework and then fail law school and improve the curve for them. Fie on you, but here you are anyway.

I should have: taken all those practice exams like I said I was going to, and several other importanty things.

I did do my taxes, but I think there's something I need to do yet to finish them, and I haven't done them and I have to do my FAFSA. We did get the other Buick to run, Briefly, sort of, but the door panels are still off- and then this weekend, after Spring Break we got it to run briefly again. The exhaust manifold turned red hot. Mitch is probably right and that car probably does need a new intake gasket. I still don't think it's getting enough fuel pressure.

I did can! Which was very exciting, let me tell you. How did this come to happen?

well, I bought a lot of baked chicken on mark down at the Buckhead Kroger and thought I would pull the meat off of the bones and freeze the meat and make casseroles or something. Normally I throw the bones out in the yard for the opossum or for the stray cats ( a judge told Ola that if you have cats in your yard, you will never have snakes, so there.) BUT I had a brainwave. I could make SOUP and can it! And it was delicious! and fun.

And I went to Gork Night: Games for Dorks. The food, and the company was great. We played several games, something called apples to apples, and I tried to play Scotland yard, but that was too boring and complicated, so I played Taboo. One of the words I got to demonstrate was Organist so you can guess how I did that. Deana told me my technique had too much teeth in it.

And I helped Trey move to Chattanooga. This was- well, it was late. Matthew, his friend who visited during Christmas was still there, and had apparently packed up all of his things so was living there in an apartment entirely empty except for a small radio in the kitchen. That I thought is what comes of making friends with people with no jobs and cars. Matthew was nicer than I thought he would be, given the run of Trey's friends, but is not the sort of person (unemployed and carless alcoholic) I would care to live with for any period of time. As far as I know he's still there and Trey is getting irritated with him. The powers that be had apparently recently sprayed the apartment with enough bug spray to warrant superfund status; I got sick from it. His apartment reminds me vaguely of my house, it's a similar era of seen-better-days-too-many-coats-of-paint-on-the-woodwork-everything's-settled-out-of-level sort of apartment. And the carpet is some kind of super-industrial carpet which is- not so nice. Also there are closets? But they were not wide enough to properly accommodate a standard hanger? Dude, WTF,? b/c didn't they have standard hangers in those days or what?

And I avoided working on my appellate brief for a while, but that did not last: I eventually had to finish it at 3:30 monday morning, and then I had all the car drama.

Now for an entirely different subject:

You know what would be great? Is there such a thing as bodice-ripper movies? Well, why not? I think it will be a great idea to watch Vin Diesel movies with the sound off and imagine my own dialogue, like in Pitch Black where he is trying to escape the pterodactyls or whatever, I could imagine;

Vin: We have to get back to the ship to save Cruella!
Girl: Why is he so important to you?
Vin: I have this vision that in Decatur, Georgia, there is the love of my life. And he drives a turbo Buick and is working on another and is in law school and is the man I am going to wrap my hot sexy arms around and clutch to my hot sexy chest and stick my tongue down his throat and other things, secrets only men can share.
Girl: But what about me?
Vin: You are totally inadequate for Vin Diesel. I am sorry, but I have to do what my heart tells me and it tells me to Find Cruella Dearest and go and have wild Ayn-Rand-heroine type sex with him.
Girl: You suck.
Vin: No, you suck, and you are going to grow old all alone except for the 27 cats you will gradually acquire along with mild alcoholism you will attempt to disguise as "wine appreciation." Cruella and his minks are the true love of my life. And I will spend the rest of my hot sexy life with him making him happy.

Or maybe I should just read Pride And Prejudice while watching, like, Point Break.

Yes, do y'all not think that Wuthering Heights should be remade with a happy ending and a shirtless Vin Diesel and me as Cathy? Well I do. If those bodice rippers sell as novels, I think they would sell as movies.

Y'all here is the latest on the Alex dating front:

I was telling Alex about my "dating" experiences, which are- well, apparently, I can have all the guys I want so long as they're fat. Do not want. And I was almost about to feel that whole sense of shame thing, but I told Alex anyway, in very minor detail, about my experiences, and he did not like them.

Also he came and helped me put in the alternator in the other car, but he chortled with glee when he made me ride in "I Go Where I'm Towed/Toad The Sequel."

I had calculated this in advance. Alex will come help me if he gets to inflict significant amounts of pain and suffering on me, namely, by making me ride in "I Go Where I'm Towed/Toad The Sequel." So I weighed the balance of: get help with car v. ride a distance I could walk if necessary in "I Go Where I'm Towed/Toad the Sequel."

Alex was quite gleeful. "I Go Where I'm Towed/Toad The Sequel" was not so gleeful; it shuddered and coughed and wheezed in a very, please put me out of my misery and let me lie in some field somewhere and slowly return to the ground from whence I came manner.

In the future I will no longer look at cars in the junkyard with any sense of sadness, they are quietly resting and decomposing and enjoying their fate and not being forced out of well-deserved retirement to wheeze forth. Would you make Bob Dole run a marathon? I hope not.

I was sorely tempted to buy him a car decal of Mother Mary which read, "Please Pray for Us" because I will never in my whole life, or any others, be able to think of any more appropriate sentiment when riding in that car. That is in fact the primary, if not only, and constant sentiment I feel about that car. Alex wants to buy a large decal for the windshield which reads "Chevrolet" which strikes me as extremely pointless without being ironic; all the people who care that it's a "Chevrolet" will already know because it is quite obvious, and all the people who don't already know won't care any more because there is a giant decal on the windshield. I think he should put a large "Honda" decal on the windshield to confuse people, but Alex does not think that is so much fun, he mainly specialises in making people miserable.

With that piece of information in mind, Alex signed up for Match.com. But Alex doesn't really have a lot of time to date, so I'm curious about how this is supposed to work, and I think he is too- he is still doing the you have to be mean to girls thing. I think the way he is interpreting it is he's going to go out with them, and then tell them, well I really like you but I don't really have time to date you, so suck it up.

I am very confused. I know how my dating strategy works: talk to someone on line, be like, I'm busy, but you can come study with me if you want, and then if guy is not fat, have sex.

Anyway, he met some girl who is a PhD student in Physical Therapy- how much physical therapy can you learn anyway?

Amber's a whore name, I tell him.

Alex disputes this.

Amber's not a whore name, he insists. For some reason, he always thinks I'm just making something up. But everyone I know agrees with me, it just is a whore name. I didn't say the young lady in question actually was a whore, but her name is definitely- Debbi Duz, you know? It's like, how many Marks are straight, or how many Tiffanies are really smart, or how many Blossoms are entrusted with high power financial decisions? Do you know any very young hot Bills? No, they all seem to be middle aged and- let's say Gentlemanly.

My mom has suddenly gotten very attached to a chav sweatshirt. Perhaps it's not exactly chav, but it's very chav, or hispanic girl gang member or - you get the idea. I tried to explain to her, over and over, why she cannot wear this. I wish I could post a picture of this, but I cannot; I will have to trust in your powers of imagination. It is white and gray with New York in Gothic letters, so it is totally the Fergie- sideways ponytail- ponytail on top of the head gum cracking look, and it is totally- wrong. Today she wore it with brown loafery looking shoes, dark green socks and a white skirt with little green flowers on it and refused to understand why she couldn't wear it.

"I don't see anything wrong with it," she insisted.

Well, of course you don't, I told her, you have no awareness of what other people are wearing at all, and where would she go see chavs? I tried to explain to her what chav was but she didn't understand that either.

It's just the wrong statement, I said. It's the wrong socioeconomic group and it just looks bizarre.

She still does not understand why it is wrong. I guess the best description is: think Indira Gandhi wearing a Hooters outfit. Ok? Not good.

Well, I will tell her I wrote about it on my blog, she is very concerned about what I am writing on my blog.

You should not write things about us on your blog, she says.

I do not think she really understands what a blog is, but she is afraid of it, so perhaps from now on I will tell her: if you keep wearing that, I'm going to write about it on my blog.

Also Alex! I got him talking like me! Yes, my general sluttiness conquers all. Because I told him, well, if you don't have any time, tell her to come over on Wine Wednesday, and he said, well, he couldn't let her "pierce the man veil" and of course I thought that was great, now he is making sexual double entendres. Just like me, awww. Don't you think the phrase "pierce the corporate veil and access my personal accounts" is a great double entendre. As in, yes girlfriend, I had to wash that man out of my hair the next day, (he did not understand what I meant by that but it was sort of like taking off a pearl necklace?!) but I did not let him pierce my corporate veil.