Monday, October 31, 2005

Saniel Got Married

Saniel got married this weekend, and no one ran away or turned into Bridezilla, so that was good. We would have pictures of it but I still have Trey's digital camera held hostage here at work so he took some pictures with a disposable camera, and will never develop the film. Also he took my Kodak advantix camera and lost it or gave it to someone and I am not happy about this.

Anyway, it was a nice wedding, although I thought it was very short; it probably only lasted about 20 minutes. The last wedding I went to was Tonio and Lupe's wedding in Cerritos and that was much fancier, but then that was a Catholic wedding. This was a Baptist wedding. I think one of the nicest bits was when Daniel included in his vows a vow to support and care for Brittney.

The reception was held at the church, which meant no drinking :( and the food- well, the food cost $6,000 which for 75 people works out to $80 a head. For that, I think you could have taken everyone to the bloody Four Seasons and let them order anything they wanted. They had pasta salad, chicken salad in croissant and pita sandwiches and cheese in little cubes and stuffed mushroom caps - - - well, I think I should become a caterer.

O and then Trey threw a fit for the rest of the afternoon, lasting well into Monday; he was all upset because he wanted to be an alien bride for Halloween, and the thrift store had a wedding dress he really wanted for $47, and he claimed (although I doubt this) that he could have returned it on Monday and gotten his money back. I never heard of any thrift store giving refunds; but he might be right. At any rate, when we went back, it was gone, which occasioned an extended fit. (ha ha, that sounds like a euphemism for "fat", extended fit). I dressed up as Cruella Dearest, which is my nickname anyway, and if you want to know what that looks like too bad as Trey's camera is still being held hostage. I tried to copy the Snow White Witch's costume, with a cape - my costumes are very cape intensive- and a blue dress and a crown, and I wrapped some fabric around my head and put on makeup. It was impressive. I made the cape myself, with a glue gun, while Trey had his fit.

We went to the after party, which was at Sutra Lounge in Midtown and full of East Asians- I think Koreans and Japanese- and I did not drink ANYTHING. I was being Good and a Designated Driver; I did NOT want to spend any money that I did not have and I did NOT want to run the risk of driving even slightly impaired from Midtown. So I had a moderate amount of fun, but not really a whole lot. O and someone's girlfriend was very cheerful. We like her MUCH better than the previous girlfriend, who was about as exciting and fun as, say, watching paint dry. I wanted to leave so that I could go to a HOUSE PARTY and have a good time, and drink a little (maybe a lot) and then stay over at someone's house and not have to worry about driving. Freomi claimed that Lucky (this is really her name, not a euphemism) was having a party and I thought that would be good, we could go have some fun and then stay at Freomi's house. Trey had some more fit. He didn't want to follow them, blah blah blah, why couldn't we stay at Saniel's thing, blah blah blah, and then he had a fit all the way from midtown to Snellville. I got really worn out. We then got all the way to Snellville, and Freomi of course weren't there yet- and so Trey had some more fit- and then when we got to Lucky's house, some girl came to the door and said no everyone had left and/or gone to bed and you can imagine how much more fit that occasioned. He had a competing event he wished to attend, so then we tried to go to that, and nothing was happening there either, so he just had some more fit. Lovely.

What else happened? O I thought of something evil- all of the students at this school have iPods. Those things are expensive! $250! Where do they get that kind of money, and why do they really need such a thing? A portable tape player or CD player would do just as well, don't you think?
Well, I was thinking that when I take it up, I should try to keep it until the end of the term (right now they have to write me a groveling letter to get their iPod back, and if it isn't sufficiently groveling they have to do it again) and then those that forget, I will sell and put the money towards my Grand National fund. Or, to be evil, I could also delete all the songs on their iPods and replace them with Wagner's <>, Maria Callas, Eurythmics, and The Collected Speeches of Margaret Thatcher. They would be, um, SURPRISED.

I really have GOT to do something with this stupid car, we can't get the oil changed in it. I still have a year to pay on it but need to think about a replacement. I had hoped to keep the car longer but the service is so incompetent - - - I dunno. I wish it were possible to get a car that is both interesting to drive and reliable and trouble free. It seems as though every car that is interesting to drive is also trouble-prone and the service is complicated whereas Camrys and Accords are duller than dishwater, and I would be very bored, but also it would be reliable. I wouldn't WANT to keep a car like that for 300,000 miles though. Damn. I definitely, absolutely, positively, am NOT going to buy another Cadillac. I can understand the car was a one-off failure perhaps but the service- no. Perhaps the solution is to have a dull daily car (after all, it took me two hours to get home yesterday. It doesn't matter whether your car is interesting or not just to sit in traffic) and to have an interesting car to actually DRIVE. That would mean I could buy something like a used Corolla or aging Accord and a Grand National. Mmmm. Other cars I am considering are the Ford Freestyle (I LOVE Trey's Taurus wagon) and the Camry Convertible - I loved the previous two convertibles I had.

O and a new exhibit for the Museum of Idiocy: Monday Trey went to Chik-Fil-A. He gets to the window. What do you think he orders? A burger. (for those of you who are unaware of this, Chik-Fil-A's advertising campaign centers entirely around the fact that they do NOT serve any sort of beef product).

Museum of Idiocy

I should start a museum of idiocy. (No, I am NOT going to be the star attraction! but I can think of a few people who would be.) We are reviewing for a quiz, so I put the things that are going to be on the quiz on the overhead, and asked the students to fold a piece of paper into three parts and write what they know in the lefthand column, what they sort of know in the middle column, and what they don't know in the right hand column. One of my "needier" students - read, annoying moron- claims not to understand this at all and then asks me, do you fold it like a hot dog?

How do you fold something like a "hot dog?" I don't know what sort of hot dogs this child eats but hot dogs are not what I would call a foldable type of food. Then he asks me if it is supposed to be sort of like a tri-fold. This is after I demonstrate this with my own piece of paper. Arrrgh.

Friday, October 28, 2005

Three Strikes and She's Out! ! !

There is reason to celebrate in the conservative blogosphere today; Harriet Miers has withdrawn herself from the confirmation process.

I feel sorry for the lady; I truly do feel bad about excoriating the woman and the beating that she's gotten in the press, because I have no reason to believe she's a bad person and her rejection should be celebrated the way it is. But at the same time, she's NOT QUALIFIED to be on the Supreme Court, any more than I am. I don't really know what qualifies one to be on the Supreme Court- and I suppose she could have an opinion just as much as anyone else does- - but I know she doesn't have the breadth or depth of constitutional experience required for the post. I'm sure she's a wonderful person and a good lawyer, but not Supreme Court material any more than I am. She doesn't have the grounding, I believe, to make the kind of decisions that will determine the future of the country for generations to come.

The press is going to make (if not already making) a big to-do about the fact that she wasn't seen as "conservative enough." That's not why she was so strongly opposed- it had nothing to do with ideology, no matter how strongly liberals want to make it so. Liberals didn't have to oppose her appointment because they figured out the Republicans would do it for them, and did. No one wants to tie themselves to this lead balloon politically, and whether Bush were in trouble or not- people are smarter than to be remembered than voting for an incompetent.

I think that (I HOPE that) this is not a matter of incompetence on the Bushies part, but instead a complicated strategery (intended). My feeling is that they think they'll soften the opposition up by giving them a candidate they have been successful at rejecting and then provide the Real Candidate who will be more conservative and have more of a record and then can argue that they had the milquetoast option, now they have to take what they get. Either that, or they've suddenly lost course entirely.

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

Hennessy Cadillac Sucks

Dear Sir or Madam;

I am writing you to express my dissatisfaction with the service department of one of your dealers. I hope that by bringing this matter to your attention, you can prevent other customers from becoming dissatisfied in the future and ensure that this and other dealers continue to uphold the Cadillac reputation.
I have owned a Cadillac Catera, purchased new in 2001 from Hennessy Cadillac, since August of that year. Since then the car has been serviced nowhere else and I have been satisfied for the past three years with the overall level of service that I have received.
However, this year, I have had a few things happen which make me doubt the professional expertise of the service department, as well as their willingness to provide the level of customer care one expects from a Cadillac retailer. I would like particularly to bring to your attention an incident which occurred on Saturday the 22nd of October.
My car was due for an oil change, so I brought it in, after calling ahead, to have the oil changed. The service writer (Joey Davidson) came back shortly thereafter to tell me that “The drain plug is stripped so we can’t do it, you’ll have to bring it back Monday.” “What do you mean, the drain plug is stripped?” I asked, “Do you mean that you stripped the drain plug? The car’s never been serviced anywhere but here since it was new.” He went to check on this and then returned to confirm this. “We can’t do anything with it now,” he told me, “It’s stripped and we can’t get it out.”
I have now wasted 45 minutes driving there, 45 minutes driving back home, and the car will have to wait two weeks for another Saturday on which I MIGHT be able to take the car back and another hour and a half in transit from home. Apparently they consider all Cadillac owners to be retirees who have nothing better to do than spend their golden years in the dealer service department’s waiting room; I can most certainly assure you that this is not true of me, and if this is the dealer’s opinion of Cadillac owners, I will certainly not be being another. I also now have to deal with the fact that the dealer, of all organisations, doesn’t seem to be able to change the oil in the car without breaking something. So how am I to trust the dealer with another, more complicated repair? I would also like to know why I should purchase another one of these vehicles if I cannot even have the simplest of maintenance procedures performed satisfactorily. From what I am told, owners of similar “luxury” brands do not seem to have this problem, and I certainly had not expected this from Cadillac. This is in addition to their repeated failure to repair a problem with the car overheating, which I fear will lead to a burst head gasket and my being stranded along the highway somewhere. My friends who own Lexuses and Infinitis tell me they do not have such concerns.
I hope that you can understand my disappointment and dismay and I look forward to hearing from you at your earliest convenience; you may also contact me by telephone at 467-5309.

Regretfully,



Mr. Alan Thomas

Friday, October 21, 2005

How to Handle a Parent Conference

All teachers have to handle parent conferences sooner or later, some more often than others, depending on whether the parents of your students are Functioning Adults or Crack Whores. (Sometimes, even the crack whore parents will show up.) This can be very stressful, because you then have to meet the direct genetic forebears of their misbegotten mashed-turnips-for-brains children, so parent conferences sometimes feel like Dragon Lady meets Lucille Ball, but without funny results. Don't let the parents get the better of you.

First of all, parents are not your enemy, even though it may seem like they created the Demon Seed and Rosemary's Baby, etc. HOWEVER, 90% of the time the reason they want to see you and take time out of their busy schedules undoing all the learning you put in little Dubya's head is that you have done something to tick them off, so they come in on the offensive. Here's how to deal with some situations:

1) Call for backup. Be prepared, before you hold a parent conference, to have another faculty member WHOM YOU CAN TRUST attend the meeting. It doesn't matter how low-key the parent may seem in discussions you have previously had. They can very easily turn it into a he-said-she-said situation, or they can misinterpret what you say and turn it against you. It also helps to have another teacher there so that they can back you on policies you may have in your classroom, because parents often feel that your policies are unfair and another teacher/TRUSTWORTHY administrator can defuse those problems.

2) Show, Don't Tell. Frequently, parents complain about their student's grade. Have a grade printout ready and have some sample work to show the parent, both of their student and of other students for comparison. You shouldn't have to or even try to explain to the parent why Dubya has a 45. The work should make it evident. You can certainly point to blank pages, or ask Dubya, do you have the paper in which you described why Harriet Miers was a good nominee? Show me the quiz on Hurricane Katrina. Show me the paper you wrote on the war in Iraq. The student (middle through high school) should have a notebook and be able to show you. If they can't, then the parent ends up drawing the same conclusions you have already reached, without you having to tell them flat, Dubya's not doing his work, which sounds judgemental to many parents.

3) The Name Game. As we stated earlier, Dubya may have mashed turnips for brains and behave in class like a drunken frat boy at the Gold Club. Don't say "Dubya is dumb" or "Dubya is obnoxious." DOCUMENT the problems- for grades, see above; for behaviour, document it objectively. Show WHY Dubya is disrespectful, or disruptive, or whatever, in objective comments, I.e. "12 October, Dubya said I should be fired" "17 October, Dubya wrote on another boy's shoe". At that point, you have incontrovertible evidence.

4) Ask for the parent's help in addressing the problem. INSTEAD OF SAYING what YOU think should be done, ask the parent what they think should be done. How can we help? What do you think would help? This removes any possibility of the parent being defensive or saying no, that can't be done. Sometimes you will have to say no but then they were expecting that. Also offer the parent options. We can do X,Y, and Z. Here are the resources available, you pick. Then it's up to them to implement the solution.

Thursday, October 20, 2005

We Have Yet Another Reason to Hate the Neighbours

You all know that I really, REALLY hate the neighbours, and I realise that hate is a strong word but there just isn't anything else that will do. Is there anything beyond hate, like a nice German word that means something like I-would-give-my-firstborn-child-to-see-them-tortured-to-death-in-the-most-painful-and-imaginative-manner-possible-preferably-involving-both-fire-ants-and-steel-spikes?

I do console myself to some degree with the knowledge that just being them is exquisite torture, but sometimes, that is not enough.

Yesterday, Trey's car broke in the neighbourhood, he was coming home from some friend's house at 5:30 in the morning (no, I was NOT happy about this, so the less said the better). He got round the corner from Delano onto Dusty and apparently all of a sudden (I don't really know the details) the car wouldn't go into gear any longer. It starts but when you try to put it in gear, it goes into neutral. So of course I had to go to work, and was already irritated at Trey, so I did not care to linger to do whatever. He eventually got it pushed to the side of the road with the help of some school children.

Along come the neighbours, see Trey's car, and promptly call the police (I know this because they are the only people likely to have done this and the people in the surrounding houses saw Trey and several of them tried to help him). The police impound Trey's car. It is now going to cost over $200, which neither of us have, to retrieve the car from the impound, plus the $25 one of the ghetto elves said it would cost to repair the car (it is a shifter cable, which is what I thought). I am so angry. This did NOT need to happen. It's bad enough, certainly, that his car broke down but that just adds insult to injury, and greatly inconveniences me. If anyone has any good ideas for, um, how to AMELIORATE this problem let me know. I would have liked to have Sandy come and bitch them out but I think Sandy is still angry, and we wanted to have that party for Saniel (that would have certainly done the trick) but as I mentioned, Saniel are angry.

Wednesday, October 19, 2005

Thatcher vs. Clinton

Did you know that Lady Margaret Thatcher helped invent soft-serve ice cream? This Kim Jong-Il esque fact is brought to you by none other than Wikipedia, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Margaret_Thatcher by way of Slate. Yes, for those of you too lazy to read the entire article, as a chemist in the 1950's, she was part of a team which developed the first soft frozen ice cream.

This led to many ruminations, some of them having to do with Hillary. For the life of me I shall never understand WHY anyone admires Hillary, who has yet to accomplish anything remarkable in her life. Her main achievement, from what I can tell, is to have married someone who she managed to have elected governor and then President, and while I think that most people harbour indistinctly warmish feelings towards Laura Bush, who has done the same things, few people can be said to particularly Admire her. I read somewhere that women particularly have admiration for so-called "strong" women- - - I agree that Hillary comes across as a beeyotch on wheels- she always looks grim and tight-lipped and never seems to laugh honestly- but what exactly makes her strong I do not know. She clung to her husband like a lamprey and pushed him forward and then came up with Hillarycare, and we can all be thankful THAT was soundly defeated. And Hillary may be a Senator, but she didn't make it there by herself, and she hasn't done anything wonderful - - - I just don't get it.

At any rate, the culmination of this was the idea that before 2008, and while Lady Thatcher is still alive, someone, anyone who is still a Real Conservative should put out a tshirt depicting Thatcher and Ms. Clinton boxing on the front, and a table listing their various accomplishments. (This was supposed to appear as a table, but didn't and I don't feel like reformatting it. You should get the point anyway.)

Accomplishment
Lady Thatcher
Ms. Hillary Clinton

Developed soft serve ice cream

X
Helped bring about peace in our time

X
Brought her country out of recession and into prosperity

X
Escaped an assassination attempt

X
Rejeuvenated her country’s industry

X
Reached power on her own

X
Married someone electable to reach power
X

Known for forthrightness, public and private

X
Known for shadiness, public and private
X

Governed by principle

X
Governed by polls
X

Tuesday, October 18, 2005

We Are All Keynesians Now

I think that what we will do from now on is give the people I know celebrity names. This will serve two purposes; one thing it will do is to somewhat disguise their names so that they don’t get offended when I write things like the Truth. So in future, I will write, for example, “Mr. Squirrel jumped over the fire and hit his head on an outdoor chair, and then lay in the grass and giggled,” and you will all know who I am talking about, or not. I am aware that “Mr. Squirrel” is not a celebrity name, but I can’t think of any celebrities whom “Mr. Squirrel” resembles. If you can think of any let me know. The other purpose is that I am interested in getting more hits; I am captivated by the idea of people reading my blog, and I feel as though if I use celebrity names then that will work. People, I have discovered, are interested in reading about celebrities and they might as well read about MY friends’ dysfunctional relationships as celebrities. Plus you get more real dirt. However, the only problem with this is that I don’t know of many celebrity names; I will have to dumb down my listening/reading material. If you have suggestions, let me know.

So anyway, today we have two couples to write about, one of them being “Sean Penn” and “Madonna,” “Madonna” being the friend who lives up the street and was recalled by “Simon Cowell” with the immortal line, “There’s drunk - - - and then there’s “Madonna” drunk. This is so you know who it is I am talking about.

“Madonna” has been going round and round with Sean for a while- I think you all, even the slowest of the slow, (mr. Squirrel) should understand that I am not talking about the REAL Sean Penn- so I can stop using the quotes- but Sean is a Grade A Garden variety A-hole, and is not nice to Madonna, and we can just not have this. Cruella has to take a stand somewhere, and that means that (other) people cannot be mean to my loved ones. She was all boo-hooing again this weekend about him being a jerk, so I put on my drinking dress and poured her some gin so she would feel better. This led to Sean getting mad at me, also because I gave Madonna cigarettes, and that REALLY made him mad, and he called me on Monday at 6:15 in the morning to yell at me and you can just imagine how much I cared, right? I am NOT part of your relationship, and if you want to be twisted and do the whole slave/dom thing- and the more I see of that the more WRONG it seems, because what kind of mature adult needs to control someone else that badly? That’s not healthy, and Sean won’t let Madonna express her opinion or her thoughts, either, when she says something he says it’s “arguing.” I probably shouldn’t say that if someone treated me like that I would tell them not to let the door hit them on the way out, because God knows that “Mark Wahlberg” did enough not too long ago but he is much better now. Anyway, so here’s the e-mail exchange:

Cruella:

I'm so sorry about that...and i can't help but smile at your brilliant form of expression "He even mentioned obedience to me- well, if he wants the level of obedience he seems to crave he should get a dog." Thanks for making me smile, instead of yelling at me for telling him i got cigarettes from you (sorry! didn't expect this response).

Sean's like a big daddy in many senses..he hasn't gotten past trying to get us all on board, right here, right now. In a sense, i don't think he'd bother if he didn't care and his intentions are good. We'll talk soon...again, i'm sorry...

love you!

madonna
Sean called me at 6:15 this morning to yell at me for having given you cigarettes- he said I wasn’t being a good friend, was wishing a horrible death on you, etc., etc., all of which I was impervious to. I am trying to some extent to see things from his perspective; I suppose if someone were giving Mark Wahlberg drugs I would not be happy either and would feel the same way.
I just don’t think he’s going about it in the right way. He’s still talking about y’all’s relationship so I think he’s trying to work things out? I don’t know! He did say you weren’t slave material, which I said I knew THAT, and then he said I didn’t understand the lifestyle, which I think he is full of it. I don’t have to experience the lifestyle personally to understand what his deal is, you and I have discussed it enough. He also said he had ten years of experience in the lifestyle, which may well be, but I daresay they haven’t been an unqualified success, either, because then he might not still be looking. He even mentioned obedience to me- well, if he wants the level of obedience he seems to crave he should get a dog. Not a person. I got this image of the Von Trapp children snapping to attention when their father blew the whistle- . If anybody does I should say I understand much better the challenges of trying to change someone and trying to encourage them, because I’ve done it and I know it takes sympathy, and understanding, and above all patience and not yelling at them and making them feel guilty- which he said how guilty you were feeling, and I responded with how guilty YOU (sean) were making her feel. I tried to tell him that I thought that if he wanted you to be a better person, this is something he should be facilitating, instead of blaming me for being a facilitator, but he did that talking-at-you-thing, which I would care about more if I cared more about what he thought.

From what I can see he has a radically immature view of relationships. Mark Wahlberg can be immature about a lot of things, and he can be very 15 years old when he wants a tattoo or to mosh or whatever but he is very mature about relationships and making them work. Sean is All About Sean and that makes him a Selfish A*hole, and why you or anyone else would want to go through that again please explain to me. You are a dear, extremely Sensitive, patient, caring, loving woman and don’t let this A*hole warp you. He says he’s looking for a slave and you’re too smart for that. I do wish him luck in finding that but don’t waste another minute on someone who isn’t going to compromise and LOVE YOU FOR WHO YOU ARE.

Muchas Smoochas,

Cruella

O you know I’m not going to yell at you. I don’t care what Sean thinks, really. He can try, and he said that since I didn’t promise to not give you any more cigarettes, that you were forbidden from visiting and I should call him back when I’m going to promise that. At which I’m mentally snickering, because he takes himself so seriously and that’s so clueless; his forbidding you to smoke worked so well, didn’t it? I wanted to tell him “You’re not the boss of me!” but I didn’t manage to get in a word edgewise. . .

Sean did tell me that three of his family members died horrible deaths from smoking, and I agreed with him that I didn’t understand it, or I probably wouldn’t smoke, but you know how he is, he does NOT listen. I was trying to explain to him that you are going through a lot right now and that if he were THERE for you in a positive way, you wouldn’t WANT to smoke, or drink, or do any of the things he finds fault with. I find it vaguely amusing that he says it’s all right to go out and party on the weekends, but you party during the week too- because you have a unique job situation that allows you to do that. If I had the same situation, I might do the same thing. And sitting down and drinking the entire bottle at one sitting is not uncommon. You aren’t driving or going to work drunk or missing work days. He can come down and provide an alternative to drinking or shut up.

I agree with you, I think he cares, but I’d rather he cared a little less with the sledgehammer (forte) and a little more pianissimo, with a feather. Also I am not in your relationship with him, so I REALLY do not care what he thinks. I personally think all this slave stuff is very weird, at least the way he is trying to do it. Most people who have any sort of experience in relationships should know that you fall in love with who someone IS, not whom you would like them to be, and then deal with it. The whole I want to control 110% of your life is rather warped, I think. I don’t really think that’s what the whole sub/dom thing is supposed to be about.

Muchas mas smoochas,

Cruella

We never did get to the other couple, which take the 13 letter award this week.

Monday, October 17, 2005

Futuroscope

If you teach 2nd year high school French using the Discovering French Nouveau! book, this webquest goes with the reading between Units 1 and 2.

Futuroscope Webquest: www.futuroscope.com

Fill in the blanks:

Futuroscope est pres de la ville de ____________________. On peut y arriver en voiture sur la route _________ ou en train de Paris Montparnasse a ___________ heures et rentrant a _________________ heures.

Le numero de telephone du parc est __________________________

Si vous allez aujourd’hui, a quelle heure est-ce que vous pouvez entrer dans le parc? ______________ A quelle heure est-ce que le parc ferme? ______________

Il y a __________ restaurants au parc. J’aimerais mieux manger a ___________________ parce que ____________________________________________

____________________________________________________________________

Il y a ____________ hotels dans le parc. J’aimerais rester a ___________________ parce que ________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________________

Le billet pour entrer dans le parc coute _______________.

Correspondance: Choississez la lettre de l’attraction qui convient avec la description a gauche.

Tu aimes des chevaux: _________

1. tu voudrais etre cineaste : ________ A. La Gyrotour

2. Tu adores les jeux videos: _____________ B. Space Station 3D

3. Tu voudrais voir un ballet en l’eau: _________ C. La legende de l’Etalon Noir

4. Tu voudrais voir tous les batiments du parc Futuroscope d’en haut: __________ D. Star du Futur!

5. Tu voudrais jouer un jeu dont que tu sauves une cite futuriste:_________ E. Melodies Aquatiques

6. Tu voudrais visiter le Carnaval de Rio:___________ F. Peril sur Akryls
7. Tu aimes des chevaux: _________ G. Couleurs Bresil

8. Tu voudrais regarder un film sur la Station Spatiale Internationale: _________ H. Cyber Avenue

A Safer Post

This time I'm going to gossip about people who don't read my blog, because sometimes when the people who read my blog are mentioned in it, they are not really happy about this. Go figure. (just kidding) So next time, we are going to have to change the names of the people we are gossiping about. Let's see how that works.

First I want to note a couple of work related things. One is that on Friday, as a warm up to the current lesson in first year which is about Things I Like to Do, one girl said as we were going around the room, "I like to pierce myself!" This I found very disturbing. You mean you do it YOURSELF? I asked. Yes! she replied, I have 16 piercings! O dear, I thought, Doesn't it hurt? I asked? No, not really, she replied. I was disturbed, of course; I thought self-piercing was one of those drunken redneck guy things to do- and she seems awfully sweet to be a drunken redneck guy. Then they wanted to know did I have any piercings. NO! I said; I have enough holes in my body standard equipment, and I don't have any tattoos, either. I don't think most piercings are tremendously attractive, beyond a couple of holes in the ear. I think that facial piercings always look like you had a tragic accident in a hardware store. You could make it a Reader's Digest Very Special Story. "It was an ordinary Wednesday morning when Cindy arrived at work at JoLeen's Small Pointy Metal Objects Boutique. Great, she thought as she walked in, the night shift didn't restock. Little did she know the horrifying course that day would take. . . Get down! yelled Herman Perez, who had just realised that the propane tank a customer brought in had a faulty valve. He lunged forward, saving Cindy's life, but pushing her face directly into a bin of Small Pointy Metal Objects JoLeen had marked down . . . The piercings, the paramedics said, were the worst case in the tri-county area they had ever seen. Although this brave young lady still bears the scars of her tragedy, she thanks God and Herman for saving her life that day. I may not look exactly like I used to, she says, pointing to the bits of metal protruding from her eyebrow, nostrils, tongue, lip, nipples, and web between her right thumb and forefinger, but God gives me the courage to go on."
Also let me point out that this same girl came in today with this FABULOUS hair cut. She looks much older, which is making me suspicious- she must be trying to get into 21 and up clubs, and probably succeding, based on the sophistication of her haircut. I don't know that that is a Good Thing, though, but if she were wearing a suit someone would probably nominate her to the Supreme Court.
What exactly is the appeal of a tattoo nowadays? I thought that it was supposed to make the statement that you are Cool and a Rebel or whatever but even dorky people get them now, and a lot of them get sort of dorky tattoos, like a yin/yang symbol. EVERYONE has that. Get something different, at least. Probably the worst is the people who get their names tattooed on their body, as though they're going to forget- O, geez, what's my name again? Thank goodness I have it tattooed on my arm! That's right, I'm Quindavious. The second worst is when people get their significant other's name tattooed on their body. That has some rationale behind it but if you can't remember your significant other's name, you should be having better sex and screaming it. And if you want to do something nice for them, use the money to buy them something nice.
The other work-related thing is that we have a new innovation. You may not realise this from reading my blog, but I do not suffer fools gladly- I have much experience in the field, but I still can't bring myself to gladly yet. So now when the kids ask a stupid question, which means like if I haven't announced a quiz and don't plan on one, they ask them when I hand them worksheets, Is this a quiz? And I say yes, and then they say, No it's not, and then I say, well, I lied." But now when they ask stupid questions, I have the Spoon of Stupidity. (it was what I had on hand at the time) and I point it at the offender and I say, beep beep beep. Next I think we will be equipped with the Tape Dispenser of Making Obnoxious Noise.

I was going to write about these two people that also have one of those um, 13 letter adjective starting with "dys" relationships but it is late. I will do it tomorrow.

Saturday, October 15, 2005

I've Got A Life

Ooh! Oooh! You can see the new Eurythmics video at http://www.arjanwrites.com/, scroll down to see I've Got A Life. (Thanks to Mr Arjan for putting this up for us, I hope this is sufficient credit).

Reactions: The Intro's strange and doesn't do much for the song? I'm divided on the slow and strange intro, but then again it makes the anthem seem a little less throwaway. It presents a strong contrast, but is it a good one? Not sure.
The disco ball's Very Cool. Retro and Modern all at once. It's a cute, fun image. The dancers in the foreground: They have NEVER had this many fat people in a Eurythmics video before. Wow. At least a couple look like the Village People had bastard children with Divine. Note that the videos in the background on the TVs show ONLY clips from the Ultimate Collection; i.e. the videos that are on Greatest Hits don't appear. So no Beethoven or Don't Ask Me Why.
What's with her hair, dammit? It is some kind of damn bowl cut. It needs to be pointier. It looks fine on one of my students because he's a 14 year old boy, but even he has come colour variation in his hair and is sort of pink as well, not so white. It is not at all attractive, which is what Eurythmics are supposed to be about. And Dave would do better to look AT the audience or AT the keyboard or AT something; with his oversize sunglasses he seems to be attempting a Stevie Wonder/Ray Charles impression.
They're playful without being witty in this song and video, which is ok but unfortunate. They are missing the manic glee that characterised some of their funnier videos, like "There Must Be an Angel," which was campy, or "King and Queen of America" which was meant, I suppose, to be somewhat biting but was also silly- the parts that were speeded up kept it from being dreary and overly serious. They're missing the wit that characterised Annie's "Little Bird" which had all the characters dressed up in costume. It's not a deeply meaningful video, unfortunately, but it is fun.
Verdict: B+ for the video, B- for the song. No, it's not the BEST thing they've ever done. But it's not the worst, either, or even mediocre. Overall it proves that Eurythmics is more than the sum of its parts; Dave and Annie make much better music together than either one do individually. Much as I love her music, he really puts her voice with something musically more complex than what she usually comes up with on her own- note, for example, the thumping, buzzing electronica beat in the last third? of the song. I think that, as is occasionally the case with Eurythmics, the video adds a lot to what might otherwise be a mundane throwaway song. The song on its own is like they took "I Will Survive" and re-interpreted it. If Sony/BMG promote it adequately, it could be a massive hit, a la "Believe", or "I Will Survive," one even to make people say Sweet Dreams What? But I don't see it happening; from what I understand, it's not coming out as a single in several countries and In the U.S. they are releasing it only to Adult Contemporary stations which do not EVER play ANY new music. This is really a shame because there aren't that many hits on top 40 stations, and this could certainly be one. I would really like to see this sold as an enhanced single, as in an audio track, a remix, the video, and then maybe a short interview. That would be better than purchasing the entire Ultimate Collection DVD just to get this video and Was It Just Another Love Affair? and FEWER videos than Greatest Hits.

Calling all Bots!

The first note is that apparently people can discover my blog through random searches, probably involving something called a "bot". I don't think people are actually discovering it, because who would have the time or the inclination to search for, say, "Chipotle" and stumble upon my blog out of the thousands and thousands of references? So I think "bots" are searching, and discovering my blog, and posting random vaguely spammish comments. But I read Mr. Mulgrew/Mr. Mulgrew's bot's comment and enjoyed his blog. I think I rather like this, so let me throw in some random words to see if more "bots" pick up on my blog.

Paris Hilton has cocaine fantasies in my threesome bathtub. If you ask Lindsey Lohan nicely (I don't know who Lindsey Lohan is, but I understand she's famous) Lindsey Lohan, J. Lo, and Ashlee Simpson will have a threesome with a champagne bottle and shirtless pictures of Dick Cheney. The Minnesota Vikings sent flirty e-mails to Mary Kate and Ashley in Elizabethtown. Britney Spears got an STD from her Indian feet fetish. Sexy biracial guys (ooh, that's me!) date loser douchebags.

There! Let's see if that works.

Friday, October 14, 2005

Cruella is Disturbed

Well, you already knew THAT, didn't you? But I have a new and Different sort of Being Disturbed!

Yes, kiddies, this week Cruella is Disturbed, and for reasons which remarkably have nothing to do with Trey- - -

The reason we are peeved is that last week another student was put into my class; one of the hurricane victim students. Now I already had 33 in that class, and then they put another one in from North Carolina this week, so now I have 35. I am only supposed to have 32. This is something of a problem because it’s first year French, which means that I really need to have a lot of interaction with the students and it is difficult to give all the students an opportunity to speak because of the sheer number. I’m happy I don’t have big 2nd year classes. But I am finding most disturbing the fact that the student has never had French before- and has missed 8 weeks (!) of classes- and is in a very stressful situation already what with the hurricane and so forth, and says that she has to miss some school because of having to help her family with the hurricane re-establishment. Now, this is also a problem because the girl is in the 11th grade and needs two years of foreign language to graduate in Georgia. There is no way that she is going to make it through this semester- because this student is not one of those who will catch up. She doesn’t seem to catch on- all the other students are beavering away on their work and she sits there stumm (I don’t know what that word is in English) with her book closed. I really don’t think, in high school, I should come round and ask O Honey why don’t you open your book? At this point, they should have that figured out. Besides, that is not me. I really don’t know what to do about this- I emailed her counselor, and the administration, and my department head, to see if she could wait until summer school to take the course and then take 2nd year as a senior, but that is impossible unless she fails it first- she can’t take the course in summer school unless she fails it. This is rotten, if you ask me. They need to make an exception for her and some of the other hurricane victims, and let her take the course in summer school rather than fail it now. Or perhaps she can go to open campus. I am very concerned because I feel as though she will get discouraged if she fails this term, and drop out, and a failing grade is going to hurt her G.P.A. We are setting this child up to fail! So I am upset. I feel as though I have violated the unspoken teacher’s version of the Hippocratic oath.

Ooh, and the other thing that disturbed me greatly was that- there is a lady who teaches the Math part of the SAT in our school, so I generously offered to share all the materials I have accumulated over time with her, including some posters. Now she came to get the posters on Tuesday- and what was disturbing was that she was wearing the EXACT SAME OUTFIT that I was. The SAME dark gray chalk pinstripe suit and blue collared shirt. I was not prepared for this at all! I was seriously considering taking a picture and suggested it but never did- - -

In other news, Alex is being difficult (AGAIN). We had to remove all our previous commentary on this particular issue out of respect (believe it! Really!) for the people concerned. Next time I'll just change the names or write it up as a soap opera or something.

Incidentally, Daniel tried to make me embarrassed by pointing out that I was the “catcher”- and I put that in quotes so that slow people may understand that it is a euphemism (a fancy word meaning that Trey does not actually - - O, never mind.). Of course this did not embarrass me in the least. Why SHOULD it? As I pointed out, if Trey were pitching at you, you’d catch with alacrity.

Monday, October 03, 2005

Chipotle

I was going to put more into this, but then I cannot seem to update from my computer at work.

I forgot to note that last weekend, I don't know why, I tried Chipotle. If you don't know what that is, it's McDo does Mexican. Why I tried this, I have no idea! I had been overexposed to fluorescent lights all day is my best guess. I had heard it was good somewhere.
Well, it wasn't GOOD, but then again, it wasn't awful, so I suppose that counts as a success for McDo. At least it was inexpensive. But they only had burritos and tacos, no real Entree kind of food, which was what I had expected, so it was like Taco Bell gets an Extreme Makeover. You know, your old friend, Taco Smell, the middle aged sort of dumpy but friendly friend- goes out and gets liposuction and a $300 haircut and a new wardrobe. By the way, I think that it is designed to fit onto a McDo footprint, but it is all done up in that Post Everything Loft Style which is ALREADY looking dated, it was cute when it was fresh, but now it looks like someone's hardware shed threw up. Why do I occasionally fall prey to chain restaurants? WHY?

I was thinking about the post-petroleum future and I think it is bio-diesel and other bio fuels. It's impossible, today, to predict what will happen in the future. But if tomorrow all the oil vanished- just disappeared- I would put my money on bio-diesel/ethanol.
For one thing, petrol is rapidly approaching the price level at which ethanol/biodiesel becomes a competitive alternative. It's now $3.15 for a gallon of regular where I go in the morning. I'm pretty sure you can get liquor that's cheaper than that, were it not for the various taxes, etc. Biofuels offer several advantages; the infrastructure is already in place. They aren't significantly more dangerous than petrol. Cars can be fairly inexpensively converted to run on bio-fuels (every now and again you read about someone who has taken a Mercedes diesel of 1970's vintage and converted it to run on french fry oil and goes on and on about it.

Cruella's Blog Has a Drinking Game!

That's probably strange grammar, but oh well. You know it had to happen sooner or later; my blog has a drinking game which goes with it. I made brief reference to it in the last blog so here's how it works.
You need: Gin (the Official Drink of Cruella Dearest) and a shot glass, and my blog.
Drink a shot of gin when * I make fun of Alex * Trey does something stupid *Trey does something annoying * Trey does something strange * you see a word you do not know the meaning of * I refer to "Mommie Dearest" * Sheridan gets drunk and histrionic * I make reference to Ola being crazy * I talk about hating the next door neighbours * I use a British spelling instead of an American one.

Also this week, we forgot we are mad at Alex, Ian, Freddy, Daniel, etc., for not inviting us to Daniel's bachelor party in Destin. I don't care for strip clubs- I will go, though- but I do like to drink on the beach and that sounds so ROMANTIC! Perhaps that's why they didn't invite us. They didn't want guys getting romantic around them, it would confuse their dumb asses. Mmm, I would have liked to have gone to the beach though. Sigh. Sandy wants to go to Las Vegas for her bachelorette party, and invited us, but that costs $350 each and I just can't afford that. Not for two days.

I think I would like to have a Halloween party- and this year, we will have to have it a week before Halloween, so the 22nd of October because Saniel's wedding is the 29th. They have 26 days until they are irrevocably bound, as Sandy put it. Naomi immediately asked me (I don't know why; you know she won't actually do it) for what the theme is. I hadn't thought of one then, but I think I will combine several memes into one and call it: Prom of the Undead Dallases. This means that attendees have a CHOICE of themes! Are you not glad? Yes! We can have Prom of the Undead, or you can come as your- I can't exactly use FAVOURITE in this context- ok, one of the- Dallases! That should tick them off. It's also an easy costume to put together, wear some bull dyke clothes, no makeup, a mullet, (or a wig like this http://www.about-wigs.com/napoleon.html and scowl at people. Trey did not want to have a party at first. I don't want to clean up after everyone, he said. I wasn't going to lie and tell him that I would clean up, so I tried to talk him into it. We have a Halloween party every year, he said, and then I have to clean up after everyone! Not last year, I pointed out, last year, Jen had it. Last year, I wasn't here, he said. Here I had a dilemma. How could I convince him? Finally, I thought of it. We could have a Halloween DINNER party. That, for some reason, made him change his mind. He likes my cooking, obviously. I know I will make the leek gratin, and the sea scallops with champagne grapes.

Trey had a minor fit this weekend; on a scale of 1-10 it would be probably a 3. he was all upset because I had spoken with Julio at length Saturday night, and was encouraging Julio to move back. Julio now owns a car, a very used (1994) Lexus LS 400 for which he paid $6000. He is also living by himself, Guty having returned to the womb with his mother. This means he has to pay the rent, etc., all by himself which is easily twice what he was paying here. I miss him; he was my drinking buddy without all the tears and wanting to kiss me on the lips. (That would be weird.) Besides, he paid every month, $300, and believe me we need it. I really don't know what we'll do to pay for heat in winter if we don't have help. I invited Sara (Alex's something or other) to come and live with us indirectly, since she is looking for an apartment in Decatur, but Alex tainted this by saying that "you don't want to go live with them." I want to know why; Alex, no matter how much you may think so, there is no such thing as gay cooties. Julio survived our pernicious influences masculinity and heterosexuality intact. Anyway, Trey had a fit because that upset him; he understandably does not want Guty to come back round with Guty nonsense, but then he got up Sunday and started yelling at Amy, Steve, and Bob, who had ALL come to visit. I think THREE friends was too much for Trey to handle, and he said that Amy was all over Steve, and that I think made him jealous. Amy started getting all over Steve, and they stopped paying attention to me, he said, so I went with Bob in the other room and we played the piano. Since Trey got up a little late Sunday, I offered to take his friends home, which really made him upset- now I was trying to take his friends away from him. Awww, that's cute, he wants his own PERSONAL set of friends, whom I cannot have anything to do with. He's being all possessive, like when Chuchotte thought she should get her OWN pet cat. So he got mad, and he got mad because I took Amy to Sam's- although there are many days on which he does not tolerate Amy. I thought he would think I was being nice to offer to take his friends home so he wouldn't be late, and then that I was being nice to his friends, but no, he had a fit, the brunt of which was directed at his unsuspecting friends rather than me. I just laughed.

I forgot to put this in there first round, but here it is, so that Ian will have some idea of what to expect in Thailand- - - http://outpostnine.com/editorials/teacher.html I wonder if he is going to teach elementary age students or college age or what. I think if he teaches children like these Japanese children, he'll end up twitching like Alex.

We also rented Hairspray, which was GREAT. O it was so funny! I have not seen enough John Waters movies and need to see some more. I now know where Ed gets much of his whole shtick from.

So are you drunk yet?

Saturday, October 01, 2005

Nothing Amusing Happened This Week

Alex quote of the week: I was asking him about Anna, and how was she doing and he said she was upset because she started teaching at some college in CLEVELAND, Georgia- and according to him, “They downed her salary.” This provoked fits of laughter from me, as you may imagine- - - and here I thought he was getting smarter, he even remembered the phrase “ to damn with faint praise,” and used it- this was after a long and predictable discussion about how he had never heard that before (well, of COURSE not) and how he didn’t believe it existed, like he didn’t think “moldering” was a word.

We watched “Downfall” this week, the movie about Hitler’s last days in the bunker. It was very Spielbergian which is to say that it sucked from my point of view. Problem #1- the lead actress had the same perpetually astonished, frozen facial expression exemplified by Shelley Duvall in “The Shining” and the lead actress in the French movie of “The Tree of Hands-“ I think it was called Histoire de Betty or something like that. Jiminy Cricket- How do you get an acting role when you can’t-frickin-act? Even MADONNA has turned in better performances. Don’t they do that thing in acting school where the students have to portray different emotions? Then the movie was mostly lifted from “Saving Private Ryan” Which I admit- had a few good moments before it got treacly. This one- not so much, and if one has read Rise and Fall of the Third Reich and Inside the Third Reich one already has a fair picture of Hitler’s last days. Then they tried, rather extraneously, to add a hero, some doctor played by Bruce-Willis-speaks-German. This movie also lifted the battlefield hospital scene from “Gone With the Wind.” I don’t know who Hitler was played by, but he seems to have taken more than a few cues from Faye Dunaway’s portrayal of Joan Crawford- you really expected him to jump up and beat the generals while shrieking about wire hangers in German- (those of you playing the drinking game in which you read my blog and drink when I make the Mommie Dearest reference, there it was). I’m sure he was probably that hysterical and unhinged but it came across as somewhat campy. The truly moving bit was when Frau Goebbels poisoned her children and then played solitaire, and she also said she didn’t want them to go on living in a world without Nazism, for them there was no future without Nazism. That made sense- especially for anyone who has read a little- because these people were low-life street thugs for the most part or dispossessed minor nobility. They had created their own world in which they were powerful and were now going to lose it forever, and be shot anyway- the children no, but then I could see how she wouldn’t want them to be orphans-

I forgot that Trey called me a “twinkle whore” once, which I still think is cute and very funny- I think I could put that on a credit card application, or business cards. My name: Cruella Dearest. Occupation: Twinkle Whore. I don’t really know exactly what a “twinkle whore” is, but it sounds like a good thing to be. And I definitely feel that a Twinkle Whore should drive a GNX.

I’ll wager all Ed’s “sophisticated New York friends” will find this quaint: The governor, strangely, asked that all schools be closed Monday and Tuesday on account of Hurricane Rita to save petrol. It is estimated that 250,000 gallons of diesel fuel would be saved each day by closing the schools. (NPR) This is so weird. I got the announcement via e-mail Friday before leaving- and it came as such a surprise! I am a little happy about it, because I am really tired and I need to recover some more from the flu but at the same time I am a little annoyed, because I don’t mind that much going to school now. It’s those dreary months in winter- November December January February, that you really wish for time off. The teachers are going to have to make it up- heaven forfend we have to make it up with the kids, but also this will cut into our snow days. I wonder what is the real rationale behind this- I was thinking perhaps they were going to use the buses to evacuate Houston, but that’s happened-. The only thing I can come up with is that the school systems buy their fuel at a fixed price futures contract- and that the suppliers want to take advantage of the rising prices and sell it at $3.79 a gallon rather than $1.75 a gallon as contracted to the schools? And maybe there’s a supplier who is a big contributor to the governor? Well, I’ll use the time to catch up on laundry.

Ola went and got herself arrested AGAIN- this time because she is going through people’s mailboxes. Sheridan, of all people, felt sorry for her (!), I think this is because Sheridan’s Aunt Flo is visiting her. Also Sheridan is in the process of breaking up with John, which I think is a Good Thing-but it has made her apparently emotionally vulnerable. I don’t know what it would take to feel sympathy for Ola- I haven’t even been personally bothered that much by Ola, but Ola’s poisoned Sheridan’s cat, cut down her trees, set fire to Ola’s yard and tried to frame Sheridan- has accused both of us of criminal trespass and “picking the mortar out of her bricks-“ and is now going through people’s mailboxes in the vicinity and doing God knows what with the mail. Personally, I’m THRILLED she was arrested, because I certainly don’t want anyone going through my mail- ever. Not Anyone. Heaven knows what they could do- run up credit cards in my name, I don’t really want to think about it, but I don’t want Ola, or anyone else, near my mailbox. I wish Ola weren’t crazy- but I don’t feel any sympathy for her. No matter how crazy or miserable you are, NOTHING gives you the right to make other people around you miserable or crazy. I am so sick of living next to the horrible people I live next to, and no one has bought the house, or made an offer, or anything. Ugh. It took us three weeks for Freddy to come and fix the dryer because he can’t bring his work truck because that creature will call his company and get him fired. We haven’t been able to do laundry for THREE WEEKS because of them. They’re flat, plain, evil.

O- Sheridan and John- now you all know they did that whole dom/sub thing, right? Keep in mind it isn’t just the whips and tie-me-up stuff, it also extends into how they handle the relationship. Apparently there’s some sort of three month contract they have in which she’s supposed to do whatever he says for three months, which I have my doubts about. I can see how that could work with the right person- but I don’t think John’s the right person and I think she’s making the right decision, because he wants to crush her pretty little soul, and I object to this. There’s a difference between being Submissive and being a slave, and I think he seems to want a Stepford wife/slave. Not cool. Plus it takes YEARS to work out the dynamics in a regular relationship, you can’t just tell someone now you’re going to be submissive to me. So she boo-hooed, and cried, and went through histrionics for like three days straight, and I had to comfort her, and she cried that she was falling apart, and that she wanted to die and so on and so forth in a rather tiresome way, because how you can get that stupidly attached to someone after 5 months I do not know. And it is not a lot of fun to have to be all sympathetic to someone, even if I do feel it. After a while of saying there, there, honey, you want to smack them in the head. So after all the histrionics, guess what she’s doing this weekend? You guessed it (well, if you means Alex, no, you didn’t, but never mind.) Just see if I do this again.

I need to talk about Alpharetta, too. It’s heaven. O my. It’s been 6 weeks, all the students are learning nicely, none of them are really irritating (well, they got rid of Precious: the Return) none of them are morbidly obese or smelly or dumb as rocks, or really attention needy, like the Ambers. They do their work, and do their homework, and it’s bliss. My Department head is so helpful, and so kind, and generous, and so is the other French teacher, and the administration is really great- like Friday was the last day to order spirit wear and of course I had left my checkbook at home and they only take checks. Linda Holt, the assistant principal, wrote a check for me! Wasn’t that ducky! Awww! My little twinkle whore heart went pitty-pat! And Lynn said she would order a rolling file cabinet for me, and congratulated me on not speaking English- I felt happy. I don’t (usually) feel at the end of the day like I’ve been run over by a truck, the way I often felt at Tri-Cities. The only day that is not so good is Wednesday because I work like 12 hours straight.

Also I would like to thank my devoted readers; Ian, for consistently commenting on my blog; Ed; Jenn, who misspelt dysfunctional- and we’ll graciously limit comment on HER remarking that MY relationship with Trey is dysfunctional by remarking that if so, Trey puts the “fun” in “dysfunctional,” thank you very much; and Rob, whom Trey is STILL talking about occasionally, and also we have a new reader! Someone named Big Daddy.