Back Again, New Year, Same Me.

Well. I have been gone for just AGES, and that was because I was Distracted.

I met what appeared to be a really nice chap, and then we dated for a while- we saw each other every day- that I was here- for a while I was working in Columbia, South Carolina doing Document Review- and then he just- dumped me. For no apparent reason!

Now y'all know how breakups work. One, or the other, or both parties stops returning calls, gradually loses interest, you argue a lot, there's tension and drama, but not in this case! It was the WEIRDEST thing! We get together, have a nice time- relax, talk, eat, watch a movie, you know- and then poof! And I didn't even get the whole, "I'm breaking up with you" speech. I got a few words about "transition" and "closure" which - well, I'm moving past it.

I also want to point out I really tried to make a good life decision this time, and went after a guy who had a nice career, car, crib, seemed sane and stable, well educated, attractive, said all the right things, and still no good. I think I should have at least had a reasonable explanation in terms of "I'm just not feeling it," or "It's not you, it's me" or "I'm going through a lot right now and can't work myself into that space" or, "Dude, you freak me out" but- I have, honestly, no understanding whatsoever of what happened.

Cruella, did you get drunk and act obnoxious?

No! I did not! None of the usual crap that I do can be blamed for this! I've actually been rather Good in terms of that kind of thing. I'm beginning to think the whole concept that two guys can get in a relationship and be married, etc, is really rather a myth.

But you've seen people do it!

I dunno how, or wherefore that can be possible, because that's just not what I have encountered. I'm not even getting hit on much by Santa Claus types. I'm very over it.

So are you dating/going to date?

Certainly not with the serious intent I had been. I did meet a couple of guys - wait, listen, one of them went to school with Sailor Moon and then they are friends on Facebook and you know, he could have said that he was palsied. It is something, I believe, one needs to be prepared for.

Palsied?

Like, his face looked like Picasso. Now he was a nice chap and all.

But if he told you he was palsied, then you might not have met him-

I'm debating how much I want to see him again. Dammit, I'll go out a couple of times with pretty much anyone, and if you could ignore the whole palsied thing, he was ok. But he lives with his folks and - I might have to find out more.

Clearly, you cannot let him read this.

Clearly.

But about the dating?

I dunno. I feel like sometimes, if I'm going to meet someone, then I will, and if I'm not, I'm not, and I am also thinking 2011 will have to be a year in which I learn to be alone. I do have good family and some friends so - - - it could be worse, but I do so much better with having someone to be close to. Also I am beginning to really think that - I'm past my sell-by date, that chapter happened to the extent its going to happen, and it's time to move on and I'll always have the pleasant memories.

You're 35-

Yes, and have you seen the guys online who are around my age, etc? The pickings are slimmer, and although Lady-across-the-street is dating someone fugly, I cannot bring myself to that. I mean, not FUGLY. I'm not - God help us all- looking for Trey again, but still. I have some of those things I have heard referred to as "standards."

Anyway, and then it turned out that several people didn't much care for this chap I was dating- RHS, for one, and then Ma said she thought it was no great loss- I liked him, though, and we got on very well . . . except for the fact he was a social worker, so I never understood what he was saying.

How do you mean?

I mean that he never just came out and said something. I can understand I have my faults and such but telling me things like "We both need to be in a place of personal growth and understanding" means nothing to me. I can understand things like, "You shouldn't drink so much" or "I don't like the way you talk about me in front of my friends" or "Don't lick that" or " I think you should initiate sex more" (not to say that any of those things were true, but examples) but I can't understand the kind of language he used. I never saw it as a barrier though.

Well. And how did "Robin" feel about this?

"Robin" was surprisingly upset, because "Robin" broke up with ME when I was being whiny and drunk in Brazil. Now we had seen each other since then, several times in fact, and I thought this was sort of a "friends with benefits" arrangement. At any rate, "Robin" would have had to have moved here, which he said was not compromising on my part- and "Robin" wasn't sure about kids, and he didn't seem all that interested- also, he met someone in Nashville, which made me happy for him, but apparently that was a different sort of arrangement. I think he only really got interested when he found out I could and did meet someone else.

On other subjects, I'm still looking for a job. I've had a couple of temporary document review gigs but nothing permanent, and then I did an unpaid internship with this woman who- was like Madame Iron Butterfly. She looked just like Madame Butterfly and had a mouth like a sailor. Every third word was a curse word. Which- I rather didn't mind at first- but then she went off on me one day in court - implying, broadly, that I was stupid, and I summarily quit the next day. I understand people don't always have the best personalities but you can't be nasty to me, not pay me, and I'm not getting legal experience. Then I have been working with another chap who is nice and I am learning but he is only paying me $11.25 an hour, so I am having to work that in here and there. I - well, I have gotten a little discouraged what with not finding one in so long and slacked a bit, and then of course Christmas no one is hiring, so . . . I think that for a bit, I will try to get solo/small firms to pass me their overload work, and that way I can get a variety of legal experience and learn and make a little money. 2011 is the year of one day at a time, and Wednesday I'm supposedly doing Spanish Language Document Review (ugh) but, hey, $35/hr. I will make it.

And let's see, I helped Alex change the spark plugs in the Dysmobile- he couldn't get the plugs out so I did most of the work- after which it resolutely refused to run- but that was interesting, and then I have been canning a good bit- just trying to keep one foot in front of the other! So it will work out.