Wednesday, September 28, 2005


GNX

In Which I Am Undergoing a Fitful Reassertion of My Masculinity

Every so often, the little vestiges of my masculinity that are left reassert themselves. This is particularly true when it comes to the car; I LIKE taking the car apart and doing things to it and that is how my masculinity appears. (it also shows itself when I am messy, but that is not notable) Lately, this has manifested itself as a desire to replace the Omega/Catera, which is rather dull, with something flashier and more exciting.
Now I don't want anything like a Corvette- nothing says I'm 50 like a Corvette, and it has no back seat- and I don't want anything like a Miata, for similar reasons, and I don't want anything like a Honda Civic with 20 inch rims and a spoiler with its own zip code. Yuck. I don't even lust after anything fragile and voluptuous, like a Lamborghini or, heaven forfend, anything gay like a VW Beetle.
I have found the best car that very few people have ever heard of: which is pictured above, the 1987 Buick Grand National X. I thought of this car because I had an '86 Cutlass once with the 307 and Y carburetor and loved it. It was fast and handled well, and comfortable and roomy and quiet and well made, not like the '93. Now think about it; if you want to get a sporty car- something which will be fast- why not buy the FASTEST PRODUCTION CAR EVER MADE? Especially if it is roomy and comfortable like the old Cutlass, and well put together- and look, it looks just like what Darth Vader would drive. Yes, you will all have to bow down before Cruella Dearest in the GNX. Yarrr!
Nowadays people have trouble putting the words "fast" and "Buick" together, but it's true, once upon a time, Buick made not only fast cars, but the fastest production car made TO DATE. (look it up! It's true!) Now a 1987 model- which was the best, it had the most upgrades and was the most advanced- with an intercooled turbo and so forth- costs about 15-20,000 NOW- almost exactly what they cost new in 1987. Try saying that about any of GM's current products- or even anybody else's products. Plus, it's a large, comfortable car, which is still more than anything anyone can say about any of most of the cars on the road now.
I did, alternatively, consider a GTO but those are made in Australia! Even worse build quality than the Omega, so it must be Yugo-esque. Besides, the GNX is just a better car.
I don't, by the way, particularly want to go faster than I drive now- I ordinarily drive about 75 to work- but the idea of being ABLE to go fast is what appeals to me, and especially the idea of being ABLE to go faster than anyone else. Hell, I may not be richer than you, or better looking, or smarter, or have a better spouse- but my car can kick your car retarded.
It would, truly, be a fitting ride for Cruella Dearest.

Thursday, September 22, 2005

Trey and the Pillows

Trey has been Good for several days in a row, including making me food when I was sick and staying home instead of running around with his horrible friends late at night. I am thinking he has something up his sleeve or is up to something. I'm a little concerned about what it might be but at the same time I'm enjoying it. Now yesterday when I came home, I found that Trey had bought some new pillows for the bed. I was very intrigued by these pillows, because they were blue and had cartoony flowers on them; blue and pink and white daisy looking things (they should go well with the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles quilt) and then I took a closer look at them and they also had Ford logos imprinted on them. Only Trey could manage to find pillows which have BOTH flowers and Ford logos. I don't care how hard anyone else tries, I DARE you to find something similar. It takes Trey's special combination of, well, specialness to find something like that. I thought they must be intended to appeal to a very confused fourteen year old boy/girl but then I discovered the pink ribbon and realised that the pillows must have been produced as part of some breast cancer awareness benefit on behalf of Ford. You can't deny, though, that they looked weird.
I had to ask Trey where they came from, because one never knows where or how Trey obtains things, and he is not very scrupulous about cleaning things that he gets from elsewhere; he buys things from the thrift store and wears them without washing them- - - once, memorably, he found a pair of trousers in the park and then wore them, happily and unconcernedly, for the rest of the day WITHOUT WASHING THEM. See what I mean by his specialness? I think Trey has all the specialness I ever need for the rest of my life; I rather doubt (and rather hope I don't) that I shall ever meet anyone else quite so special.
Trey took offense at this. He did not think this was a legitimate question to ask, which of course it very much is; even if he were more normal it would still be a normal question. But he got mad.

O and ALEX is becoming a DEACON in his church, which shows you how desperate they are becoming. Daniel, apparently, cannot be a Deacon because he is living in sin, a fact which Alex had trouble stating, for shame; also I think Daniel prefers to pull the strings of power more invisibly. I do not know what a deacon does, so I had to ask Alex; apparently they do various adminstrative tasks at the church and, if a member doesn't appear for several Sundays, Alex is supposed to call them and ask them why they are not coming. He is also supposed to visit those members who are sick.
This amused me because I can imagine Alex calling one of the oldsters and mumbling at them, or trying to comfort the afflicted. Dad's take on this, by the way, is that it will give him good accounting experience. I personally think he's already an accountant and has all the accounting experience anyone ever needs; if he gets any more accountant-like he'll have his own comic strip, a la Dilbert but not funny.

Friday, September 16, 2005

We Have the Flu

I have been meaning to write for some time but I really haven't come up with anything in particular I wanted to write about, or I've forgotten, so I haven't sat down and done it. But since I have the flu, I am at home and thought maybe I would write something.
Let's see what happened recently- I didn't do anything interesting for Labour day weekend. Trey lost his job at Front Page News, because he went in late for the second time. No biggie, Amy helped him get another job at Mary Mac's. He (allegedly) makes less money but then again, every day he brings home leftovers which I take for lunch. So that is actually helping out quite a bit with the grocery bills, and I don't have to cook, which is fine with me. He is still trying to start his cleaning business with Amy- I met Amy, I actually LIKE her- Trey picked someone decent to be friends with for a change- , unlike that Jamie.
We had three people come and look at the house last week. My dad thought this might have something to do with Katrina, but then we met one couple and they were from around here and had friends in the neighbourhood. The house will sell when it is supposed to, I'm not worried about it. Maybe if I fixed it up some more, it would sell faster, but I don't have any money left. I still don't believe what Cathy etc. were telling me about get the house all clean and whatever. If people want the house to be clean, THEY can come and clean it. You're buying the HOUSE, not all my crap. The buyers have to envision all their things in your rooms, these people say. Well, then they can go to Haverty's. We have to live here. I would be more inclined to take their suggestions if all the other houses in the neighbourhood had sold but they haven't, and they're vacant. Also Cathy's house is as immaculate as they get and her house didn't sell.
O I know what I was going to write about, I spent Labour day driving Alejandro to Calhoun and back on Monday so he could see his mother. Freddy won't do anything of the sort; he is deeply uninterested in doing anything meaningful for his son, and then Naomi's affection for Macy's so overwhelms all else she won't be bothered. Besides, I think that she is vaguely resentful because he is Christina's child but that is dumb. Christina won't get it together to come down and see him, and I wanted to do something nice for him (someone has to). He really wanted to see his mother; I don't know how much Christina cares, but she pretended to care, and she pretended not to detest me because I am gay, and I pretended she isn't a methhead whore. We did have a nice visit and I saw Maritza, who is as beautiful and sensible as ever. When I go up there again I will have to tell Araceli about the time she licked a whole bunch of CDs and then they wouldn't work. Araceli must have been 3 or 4 at the time, she is now 15. She has her own HORSE; I am vaguely envious because Maritza bought this horse for only $300 and she boards it with a friend and it apparently doesn't cost that much to feed it. I am not sure what I would do with a horse; I think I am envious because it is a LOT more expensive to keep Trey.