First let me tell you about some more things that I have learnt recently.
I have learnt basically crap about arbitration which is unfortunate because our final is in a week or so. I am hoping I learn something at the review session. I feel compelled to tell you more about arbitration, spread the misery, you know.
It is full of sentences like this: “It is the procedural effect of the arbitration agreeement ousting the jurisdiction of the otherwise competent domestic courts which makes international arbitrators tend to assume their competence even in cases of doubt rather than leaving the parties with a denial of justice of if the actual tribunal denies jurisdiction and the domestic court refers the parties to arbitration because, contrary to the tribunal, it assumes a valid arbitration agreement.”
All righty then! Y’all stuff THAT in your pie-holes when you think you want to be lawyers. (Freddy has been talking about how he wants to be a lawyer- and shoulda gone back to school for that. Now I love him because hims my bestest friend but o you kid, you’ve never read anything more complicated than the nameplate of a car. I am wondering myself if I can manage.) Now you know why some lawyers make whole bushel baskets of money, they have to have learnt things like this. Anyway if you annoy me I will tell you everything I have learnt. Dad has had to suffer through a fair number of the lectures with me. I wonder what he thinks about when the lecturer is droning on about this stuff.
Did I mention that I am a group leader for the model rules project? No I did not, and I did not mention either how I got to be a group leader, which is that Girth and Timmons nominated us. And we all know about Girth and the little creature. I also did not mention that I forewent buying a very dead and ratty looking fox in an >>antique<< store in the Czech republic because it cost 1,500 crowns which is- apparently a lot of money, I think like $100. Anyway as a group leader I am supposed to make people figure out what the rules are on different topics and write them down and give them to me. I have been trying to do this but I rather lost interest after the first couple of days.
But the Important Things I Have Learnt: Olga showed us some of her repertoire of really amazing dance moves and I wish I could remember more of them? But I got involved in some kind of drinking game concocted by one of the Arizona ladies (remember, folks, Arizona is where people drink Aqua Net, I have seen this) and like 4 minutes into it I think I had committed myself to drinking an entire Budweiser plant. needless to say I totally failed at this? Or I would have been writing you from a hospital and I am not, I am writing y’all from a hotel in Trento. One of Olga’s Really Amazing Dance Moves was called the Q-tip, and I will describe it for you in HER OWN WORDS. YES. >>You take an (imaginary) Q-tip- and you stick it in your ear, and you wiggle it around, and then you throw it away, like this.<< she demonstrated.
I have been living such an extremely sheltered life, I had no idea! Look at all the things I have been missing out on.
The other important thing I have learnt thus far is the Kim who looks like Gwen Stefani? Told us that her favourite song is called- get ready- "Smell Yo Dick."
There were elaborate preparations made via iPod and computer and such to hear "Smell Yo Dick," but this never actually materialised. There are tank tops that one can purchase featuring this particular phrase and I said I would purchase one but I have not really the body type to pull this off successfully, although I am not sure how you define success in terms of wearing an article of clothing which announces, "Smell Yo Dick."
No, wait, I am EXACTLY sure how you define success in terms of wearing such an article of clothing and I will give you a short snapshot; it involves taking it back off again and following the advice printed on the shirt.
Well, you asked, didn’t you? Well, at least you aren’t bored.
What I want to know is that if this is a song- what are people going to have to do in the future to be shocking/perverse? I am going to have to lead the vanguard of that movement. Perhaps we’ll just have to have t-shirts printed up with photographs of the wearer having sex. In different positions. Or perhaps everyone will tire of this and we’ll return to the Victorian age and will no longer be able to say table leg.
There was another song of which she did not remember the name but it was about a lady telling her current paramour to take all his things and put them in a Winn-Dixie bag and get out. The Kim who looks like Gwen Stefani thought this was stupendous. Upon further questioning, Kim revealed that the same artist- one “Krispy Kreme” was responsible for both songs.
Now what I am just- shocked at- is that there is this veritable treasure trove of talent, this mine of riches, and I have never previously heard of her!
O and the Arizonans (Arizonians?) have formed a fan club around some Hungarian called Lazlo who lives in our building. Now what are Hungarians famous for, you ask? Paprika- inventing nucular bombs- slapping policemen-playing vampires in the movies. Lazlo as far as I could tell has done none of these things. Lazlo! They gushed. He’s from Hungary and he’s really cool and speaks great English. They quite simply lacked the words to adequately describe Lazlo’s wonderfulness. So I had to go see for myself, especially to see A) was he cute and B) if he is cute, can I get him into bed. I do not really know why the Arizonans are so fond of him, but then again, this is a state in which people drink Aqua Net. Anyway, he was cute enough, but even after we drank- a WHOLE LOT OF WINE- about 6 Arizonans and he drank 4 bottles of wine and then I broke out the 3,50 E liter and a half bottle of white wine and he and I drank ALL of that by ourselves- No dice still. Y’all it has been 4 weeks and no luck. Dammit. Also at least one of the Arizonians- thinks that I am extremely smart.
I have no idea how she got this impression because I never open my mouth in class and haven’t got a clue as to what is going on. She seems to think I’m smart because “you hadn’t even printed everything out!” she said.
Well that I can explain through absolute incompetence and being mired in finals, like I couldn’t figure out how to add the class on TWEN and get the materials so I ended up having to buy a printer here? But this for some reason strikes her as smart. Well, I’m not going to complain. I know I certainly feel dumb. I suppose I do express myself well when I do open my mouth. At any rate I’m marginally likeable and there are some people who are not coming off like that.
We seem to be adding professors, like every day we have someone different come and try to bore us to death. But one professor now- tells very- interesting jokes- like here I will repeat this for you. This joke is much better than Chittam’s jokes, which were- awful. They were so awful, I warned BJ’s husband Eric about her awful jokes- several people did- but he had to hear one anyway and I could hear him disliking her awful joke from inside the bus. Anyway, Bross told us a funny joke.
A man goes and gets bifocals for the first time and then he goes into the bathroom and when he comes out his trousers are soaking wet. What happened? Ask his friends. Well, I was so busy looking at the big one I did not notice the little one peeing on me, he says.
Ha!
O and so far we have been a whole bunch of places, we have been to Salzburg, Munich, Vienna, Venice and Milan. Now in Milan, we decided not to stay in Milan but we rented a car so we could drive to Assisi and Ravenna. Of course y’all know what Assisi is famous for but Ravenna is famous for 5th century mosaics which were indeed fabulous, and we also drove to San Marino which is a little bitty country only 24 miles square. Anyway the part I liked best about that whole thing was: a)I got to drive in Italy. b) really, really fast, 180 Km/h c) we had an upgrade from the mercedes A-class to an audi A6 which- I know it was a rental car but I thought Audis had really fancy interiors? This one did not, it was Hyundai feeling. Ooh and I thought the most memorable part was that at one point, we DROVE THROUGH THE END OF A RAINBOW. YES. First of all Rainbows are fairly uncommon especially in our neck of the woods where everything is cluttered with crap. So to see one, is very cool. Then also it ended right on the highway on which we were driving so we got to drive through its end.
We have had the same bus driver for several of our trips, and he is a very nice chap but I do have one problem with him: he likes to subject us to Whitney Houston. Yuck. I would personally, much rather hear >>Smell Yo Dick<< a million times over than hear her sing one song, once. Also her songs seem to go on and on and on forever and frankly suck. Her songs really don’t involve a lot of music- or melody to provide counterpoint and balance to her shrieking- they’re just her shrieking and hitting the same note, over and over and over eeeeeeee. She has exactly the same tone, same inflection, same note, same expression no matter what the alleged content of the song is- and they’re fairly vapid. Her voice lacks any kind of emotional depth or range and is only powerful, but there’s nothing in the message being delivered. Anyway Suzanne is getting her revenge on us for being made the Grand Leader by constantly reminding us of Whitney Houston songs. Didn't she almost have it all, Suzanne asks, and then my brain stops and is clogged with Whitney yowling. Ugh.
On the way back from Milan we stopped at the Brenner Pass and the Europabrucke, and now I am so disappointed in the Mark of Excellence student, because they offered bungy (that’s how they spell it here) jumping. I was thinking, I so want to see someone else do this, and I even offered to jeopardise my own health- particularly that of my liver- in exchange- but he DECLINED. He has set this reputation up for himself and now is refusing to live up to it. I am so disappointed. O but he did end up staying in a hostel which – was supposed to be a former mental hospital? But they didn’t do the whole former thing so well? As in, large parts of it were STILL a mental hospital? And there were patients wandering around with the guests? Now he and another student paid 18 E EACH for this dubious privilege. I am of two minds of how I would feel about this. Would I enjoy it? It would be an interesting experience, much more so than the – we went to Milan and had a 4 star hotel for 55 E experience. I mean, for one night it could be interesting. It certainly makes for a great story. But I am also thinking, they did not save all that much money by staying in this hostel, right? Because they apparently did not get breakfast with their hostel, and we did and it was very tasty- and lots of it- and no little shot glasses of coffee that cost 3 E each. So they paid 36 E and no breakfast and we paid 55 E and got breakfast and air conditioning and a distinct lack of mental patients and our own bath and so forth. But they had a more Interesting experience. Hmmm.
Well I am trying to be all sensitive and all? And be a nice guest in these people’s countries even though I am paying through the nose for the privilege? Like we had a snack in Ravenna and beer and toast for each of us – toast is basically a grilled ham and cheese sandwich- and it was roughly 9 E EACH. For a bloody ham and cheese sandwich! that’s like, nearly $16! What do the Italians eat? How do they pay for it? Anyway the point I was getting to was that neither of us speak Italian, which is frustrating, and I was trying to speak Italian by taking Spanish and French and mashing them together to make Italian? But then I thought, this is rude, suppose some Arab came to my country and started shouting at me in Arabic. I would not like that. Thus far, entirely unaided, I have learnt to say:
Buongiornio/Buena Sera (good morning/night)
Due (two)
Letto (beds)
Separati (separated)
Bigletti (tickets)
Silver (argento)
Prego Please/you’re welcome
Grazie (please)
Arrivederci- (bye bye)
uovo eggs
litro (liter)
rosso (red)
vino (wine)
Bianco (white)
But this is not enough, there are other things I need to be able to say. I can do better, so we bought a phrase book to help us learn some Italian. Now what we have also come up with is a phrasebook contest. The phrasebook includes useful things like, "Do you mind if I nurse my baby here?" and "Could you please lend me your mallet?" (yah! like Maxwell’s Silver Hammer!) and He’s going to be accused of murder. So what we are thinking is we can have a contest and go round and each pick a phrase every day to learn and then repeat in inapposite situations, like getting museum tickets. Kinda like the whole Gwen goes to the bank thing. Whoever gets the best reaction is that day’s winner and the loser has to buy the wine. Doesn’t that sound like fun? Of course it does. And we will be very serious about it.
O and a reader has a question! Why aren’t there pictures?
Well dear reader, as I said, the digital camera quit working and I don’t understand what is wrong with it. I did get one roll of pictures developed but a fair half of them turned out to be Christmas roughly? And therefore included Trey? And I am still going through the whole grieving process about that- I’m handling it fairly well but – the grief is still there, and it’s still a process, and I’ve acknowledged that. I feel somewhat uncomfortable when I see the pictures because the feelings are definitely still there.
Anyway I also will say that we went to Mauthausen yesterday which was- well, I went to Dachau in ’95. It’s roughly the same. There are a few buildings- most of them are gone- I wish they hadn’t restored it to the German standards of cleanliness and beauty because obviously while it was functioning, it was not so, and I think it should be as dilapidated as it was when Resnais made Nuit et Brouillard (Night and Fog) in ’55. And the setting was absolutely beautiful so it’s- impossible to comprehend today. And it’s basically a tourist attraction which – I feel deeply uncomfortable about. How does one deal with that kind of thing? Is it a good thing that the sufferings of the past are vanished and dead and buried and now it’s sanitised and presented to us neatly maintained where the sun shines? Or – I don’t know, I rather think the alternative is to have the whole thing barred off and sealed, and left untouched for the ghosts to fight it out for themselves without the intrusion of the living. We can’t add anything to the site, we don’t take away anything from the place as it stands, why ARE we there? Is the purpose to remind us that we don’t have to live with state sanctioned mass murder any more? It’s obviously a good thing that we don’t have to live with this anymore. But what’s the purpose of remembering when the memory becomes faulty, fails, presents an image that bears no relevance to what the actual events were? Can anyone properly remember anything that- horrific? Today we can’t remember these things, we can’t relive them, we can’t understand them. We can’t or won’t stop the same sorts of occurrences today in Rwanda and Cambodia and Bosnia and Sudan so- I am troubled by the questions that are posed by this sort of site. Is that the purpose? It can’t be realistic, obviously, can it? Is it worth invoking a memory which is not a memory at all? (so now I understand Last Year at Marienbad.) I didn’t take pictures because- the relevant pictures were taken in 1943 and 1944 and 1945. What’s the purpose of taking a picture in a place like that, To say, I have been here? I don’t understand the question again.
Yesterday was the Raabheim Sommerfest which apparently was a success because a couple of people did not make it to class today. The band was good, they were kind of a wedding/cover band and played music I like, which- thank God Europeans have gotten away from techno that used to be everywhere. They played songs like “Video Killed the Radio Star” and “Sweet Home Alabama” and “I Love Rock and Roll.” I stayed until the bitter end, about three, trying to get hooked up, and then Dominic chickened out. Mission Failed, but guys! If you want to get chicks- take a tip from the emos. The girlier you dress- the more women LOVE it. Remember how I wrote about the Masquerade and I wore my Executive Transvestite outfit, the vinyl trousers with the 4 inch heels and the Doublemint blonde twins hit on me and wanted to lick my nipples? Well yesterday I wore “I am the future of Cute” hello Kitty t-shirt? (note, this irked a different Kim, one who does not look like Gwen Stefani, because she owns the SAME shirt and wore it last Saturday and was- shall we say surprised? to see me wearing what she thought was hers? She thought I had gone into her room and gotten it.) And again! The chicks wanted to see my nipples! And rather good looking ones too. I tried to hook her up with someone else- and they ALMOST crossed the line- but didn’t. At least if I can’t get any, then someone else should. Guys, I am willing to offer you my services. For a few drinks, I will get you hooked up with the ladies.
Well I will provide you with a few more very short notes: In Venice at the train station there was some chap wearing a t-shirt that had written on it: Dude, I’m gonna get so starved tonight.
Ok! I did not know they made t-shirts advertising anorexia! I suppose someone, somewhere thought it is American slang for getting drunk but- really, aren’t there American television programmes everywhere featuring slang? someone, somewhere should know.
One of the differences between the American and German mindset: In Munich when you punch in a number that the audioguide does not like, it scolds you and says, You’ve made a mistake! That number does not exist.
Americans would NEVER tolerate that kind of rudeness and being told they’ve made a mistake. I don’t know what our audioguides say but I’m sure if you put in a wrong number it says something like I’m sorry, I can’t find that for you, please try again.
Differences between male and female mindset: Looking at rings, one young lady remarks, I wish I could make my fingers longer so I could wear that.
Now a man in the same position would have not placed the blame on himself, but rather on the product, they should have it in my size/style rather than I should change something fairly fundamental about oneself.
I forgot to mention that in one museum we went to- a long time ago- there was one picture described as portrait of some prince described as the son of Roberto the Handsome and Joan the Mad.
Now that would make for some interesting wedding announcements. Roberto the Handsome and Joan the Mad announce the engagement of their son, Prince Casimir, to Princess Lusitania of prague. Guests may provide manacles in lieu of wedding presents, because Joan, she’s mad and all. Imagine what the other crowned heads of Europe must have thought.
Dear, are you putting together that dinner for the other royalty?
Well yes-
Have you invited Roberto?
Well I’d love to, he’s so handsome, but then we’d have to invite his wife Joan
What’s wrong with that?
Well she’s quite mad from what I understand.
Pity that! I rather like Roberto.
You really wonder what it was she did to be so Mad and why no one bothered to cover it up. One would think that’s not the kind of thing one would want to announce via nickname and be known throughout the centuries as Joan the Mad.
In the same museum you could view part of a tryptych, the remaining panel of which was described as Charity. The description said Hope and Faith have been missing since 1945, and I am inclined to agree.
Now also in Assisi we saw pictures of Pope John Paul II, exhibiting various popely characteristics, passion, etc, and I think I was missing something because I couldn’t much tell passion from some of the other popely characteristics depicted. Some- but only some- of the paintings had please do not touch signs affixed to them so I am wondering, are some of them more tempting to touch than others? Are there some that the faithful are just naturally compelled to touch and others that are not so interesting? What I did find truly interesting was that the paintings were painted with a mixture of eggs, vinegar, some various pigments, and beef’s bile.
And y’all this was a church and not one of those modern art museums where modern artists think they are making an Important Statement by dumping on religion. I’ll wager his studio rather pongs, wouldn’t you think?
Did you know you can visit a place called “Vomp” in Austria? Wait until we have the car and then I can go round telling people, we went to Vomp. You can also visit a place called Pucking, and places called Klam, St. Gotthard, and Tollet.
Right now I am looking at a newspaper I picked up at the tram stop. This newspaper features articles with headlines like: Oesterreicher konsumieren viel zu wenig (Austrians consume much too little) Rachsuchtige Krahen attackieren Familie (Revenge seeking crows attack a family) and one of my personal favourites, an entire article which basically says, Austrians like to eat potatoes. ORLY? Who knew? This article contains such useful pieces of information as “The majority of potatoes are sold in supermarkets, around 70 percent, and the rest are sold by farmers.” It also contains the absolutely wonderful quote, Der Erdapfel ist ein Lebensmittel mit Emotion. (the potato is a food with emotion).
