New Funny!

As thought of by me:

Rejected Jeopardy! Categories:

Things that Smell Like Ass

Pamela Anderson's Diseases

Name the Body Fluid Which Caused This Stain

Presidential Willie nicknames

Sexual Positions Invented by Jenna Jamieson

Things that Richard Gere Has Put Up His Ass

Things that Look Like Sex Toys But Aren't

More joke:

People should compromise in a relationship. This means that two people who want different things should meet each other halfway. One person gets some of what he wants, one person gets some of what she wants. To help you in this, I have devised a handy chart. We show what Men like, what Women Like, and what the compromise should be.

Example: Men like Dogs, Women like Babies, so the compromise is, A baby dog! A puppy!

Men Like: + Women Like: = Compromise
Dogs Babies a puppy

Football + Shopping = Sack the Salesclerk

microwaveable dinner + foo-foo food = TV dinners with Arugula and pesto

Getting head + Getting flowers = Ejaculating carnations

Tits + Dick = Shemales

Wrestling + Oprah = Oprah wrestles her guests

Buying tools + Buying shoes = Buy a wrench, get a pair of pumps

Beer + Cosmotinis = Cosmotinis in a can, by Budweiser

Steak + Cake = Red velvet T-Bones

immaculate lawns + Candles = immaculate wax lawns

Action movies + Romantic Comedies = Vin Diesel and Julia Roberts as Heathcliff and Cathy beating
the crap out of Edgar Linton
in "Wuthering Kung Fu Heights"

Ask Cruella Dearest!

Q: So, Cruella, Halloween, was like, 3 months ago! What is up with you only posting it now?

A: Well, dear readers, I have been Busy since Halloween, not enough of the Good kind of Busy, the kind that you make to bow-wocka-wocka-bow-bow noises, but the kind that you make to my-head-is-going-to-explode noises. Yah, finals, and they were horrible, and I am still having nightmares about Evidence. And y'all, he asked us questions like what was the 1983 Brennan supreme court decision about?
Of course, I had no idea. And Con Law was predictable, but horrible, and then corporations was a three day take home, which- no. I hate take homes, because it gives me extra time to stress. I feel like Tax was ok but then- Mattingly told us, and he was right, that generally if you feel as though you did well, you didn't because everyone else did well also.

Q: How was Thanksgiving?

A: Well, Trey was supposed- (I DON'T THINK she should wear that. Powder blue + gothy look = fashion disaster. Powder blue suits don't look good on a lot of people, but maybe if you are like, Barbie blond or something, you can manage it. She is not. Did I mention I have seen an unprecedented number of really FAT people today at law school? This should not happen.)- to come down but then his brother got murdered (! really!) and thrown under a train to destroy the EVIDENCE and Trey went to the funeral and then couldn't come down. Robin could have come down but I sought to avert drama by not having them in the same place together. So that passed without incident, and then we had Christmas which was nice, and quiet, and first I went to Nashville right after finals but both of us were under the weather so we did not get as much done as we usually do but rather sat around and talked a good bit. Also I burnt my hand grievously on a pan. And I made roasted red pepper spread and canned it, and No CHITTAM it does NOT have any "secret ingredients" in it. If I were going to do you like my brother I would THREATEN you in advance. O and I saw babies, Julio and Iris' baby, which is sort of monkey-looking, and Freddy and Naomi's baby, which was asleep, and Isabella, and y'all! If you want to get over law school stress, go hold a baby for a while.

And we went to Robin and Sheela's and I hit my brother with a stick.

Then New Year's we had some friends over and I made the I-am-too-busy-to-care food from Sam's and we had fireworks; at one point, I had a contest with (someone else) to see who could fit the largest (unlit) firework in their mouth. I won, of course.

I do not want to describe a lot of the rest of what happened, although I was not personally involved! I was GOOD this time!

but one person is angry with another person for not following through on certain promises, among other things. one of these people also sat in the bathtub for I think 12 hours straight while drinking and I had to hide the alcohol in the trunk of the car.

Did I tell y'all I got Alex shoes and a shirt for Christmas? This is so that he can stop dressing like his mother dresses him out of the trash (which is true) We think he should be Hip and Fly or whatever the contemporary term for looking good is. He isn't going to do this by himself!
The shoes came from Amazon. The shirt- came from Forever 21.

No it is NOT a girls' store! They have guys' stuff too! Shut up! Last time we were there (Robin and I) we rather inadvertently discovered we were in the men's section, not really knowing that there was a men's section, because it's like sweatshirts and jeans- never mind. Anyway, if he wears this, he can look all, you know, not like a bum. Sara laughed a lot when she heard of this but, she of all people should know he needs Help.

Alex consented to wear one pair of shoes but is afraid of the other pair.

He is currently threatening me back with the Dismobile, but I have something infinitely worse in store for him. Even worse than the squirrel tail.